MIDDLE AGEish
Authentically and unapologetically keeping it real, discussing all things Middle Age (ish), when metabolism slows and confidence grows. Middle Age(ish): A time of transition from dreaming of who we will grow up to be and looking at the legacy we will leave behind. Listen to this podcast and join the hosts of Middle Age(ish) as they sit around with a glass of wine to discuss all things related to middle age with some amazing guests!
MIDDLE AGEish
Weaving Bonds of Resilience: Emer Halpenny's Tale of Love, Loss, and Reunion
When the threads of our lives unravel, it's the power of human connection that weaves them back together, stronger and more vibrant than before. Emer Halpenny's story, which we're honored to share with you, embodies this truth. Her tale of love, loss, and the resilience of the human spirit begins with a decision that could shatter a heart - the decision to place her baby boy for adoption in 1988. Her journey didn't end there; rather, it continued through silent years that eventually blossomed into healing, and a narrative that she bravely unfolds with us. Emer's courage to voice her past not only served as her catharsis but paved the way for an unexpected reconnection with her son, reinforcing the unbreakable bond of family.
Our conversation with Emer turns the pages of her life, revealing the complexities of a reunion decades in the making. The candid recount of her son reaching out, the role her daughters played in bridging their communication, and the gradual transition from tentative exchanges to regular, comfortable interactions, offers a heartfelt look into the delicate dance of rebuilding relationships. Emer's experience is a testament to the idea that our choices do not define us; rather, it's how we grow from them and the love we share that truly shapes our legacy.
Finally, we reflect upon the societal and familial tapestries that backdrop stories like Emer's. We recognize the courage required to face and share such personal narratives. Emer's openness provides a guiding light for anyone traversing the path of adoption and reunion, especially in an era where social media can bridge the divides of time and distance. Join us and our incredible guest, Emer Halpenny, as we celebrate the joyous revelations of life coming full circle and the remarkable endurance of love through the trials of time.
https://www.emerhalpenny.com/
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Welcome to the Middle Age-ish Podcast. Authentically and unapologetically, keeping it real, discussing all things Middle Age-ish, a time when metabolism slows and confidence grows. Join fashion and fitness entrepreneur Ashley Budosky, former Celtic woman and founder of the Lisa Kelly Voice Academy. Lisa Kelly, licensed psychologist and mental health expert, dr Pam Wright and highly sought after cosmetic injector and board certified nurse practitioner, tricia Kennedy, roman. Join your hosts on the journey of middle age-ish.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone, and welcome back to another edition of Middle Age-ish. We're so excited to be here today. I'm your host, lisa Kelly, and I'm joined here with Ashley Bedosky, tricia Kennedy-Roman and Dr Pam Wright, and I'm super excited about our guest today. Not only is she a fellow Irish woman, which I'm always like proudly flying the flag, but I actually know this incredible woman. This is Eimear Halpenny, and Eimear is a writer and a director from Dublin and many, many, many years ago I'm not even going to say how many years ago it- was.
Speaker 2:Like five, yeah, five. When I was like 19, I actually got to work with Eimear and she's fabulous. She's just a fabulous woman with a really precious soul and sometimes you just connect with people and I always felt a connection to Eimear and her wonderful husband, jeff, so she was always incredible. So she's, as I said, she's a writer and a director, so her Facebook posts are always really funny and always really eloquently written and I watched throughout COVID as she was trying to wrangle chickens in her backyard in Dublin.
Speaker 3:I want to see that.
Speaker 2:It's hilarious and trying to do it like in the middle of Dublin city centre is just pretty, Although she probably she knows she doesn't live in the middle of Dublin city centre, but you guys would consider it.
Speaker 4:We would consider it in the middle.
Speaker 2:They're all country folk here. But a couple of months ago I came across a really beautiful post that Emer had put out there and there's. It was something that I didn't know about her and I just felt it was a beautiful story and just something that I think is probably so relatable to people and especially, you know, irish people and we don't often share stories like this and I just thought that this was a really human, beautiful story to tell. So I was going to give it a proper introduction, eimear. But I felt it was really human, beautiful story to tell. So I was going to give it a proper introduction, eimear. But I felt it was kind of your story to tell and we'd be really honoured if you'd share your story with us.
Speaker 5:Well, thank you very much. That was a lovely introduction and I launched straight in in 1988. I gave a baby boy up for adoption and, um, that sort of started, uh uh, my path, if you like, and, um, it was very difficult and it was kept very quiet for a while and then, after a few years, I uh began to tell people my story and just, uh, just kind of, if it came up, you know, I would tell people my story and then, as time went down, I kind of wanted to not sweep it under the carpet, I wanted to talk about it more and I suppose I was kind of expressing myself a lot more through my writing and I just began to write. I just began to write articles for magazines or you know, if I was interviewed because of my other business, which was a drama school and theater director, and if it came up, I just spoke, called it the power of decision, because making the decision was obviously probably the most difficult decision I ever made in my life, and, um, everybody else that was on the um TEDx talk with me seemed to have written a book, and I remember thinking, well, I suppose I really should write a book. So I started writing them. I started writing my story. Then, um, and I just kept changing it and I kept trying to perfect on it and there was always a reason why I never sent it off to anyone.
Speaker 5:And then then, over lockdown, I thought this would be a good opportunity to really edit the book and, you know, kind of get it done and get it sent to a publisher and get myself an agent. And what actually happened? I suppose because during the lockdown, during COVID and we all had so much time I actually ended up inadvertently uncovering and delving into the trauma of having lost a baby, and I didn't know that that was what I was doing, but in fact that's what I was doing. So the book got completely rewritten and it was, it was very raw, very therapeutic, but the work was really, really. I mean, I went to a very dark place, facing up to, you know, like I say, the trauma and pain and the, the feelings that I had suppressed for so long. Because over the years I would look back and I would say you know, did I make a mistake? Do I feel guilty? You know, did I make a mistake? Do I feel guilty? And I'd look at everything that I had, the reasons that I had given him up for adoption and the way my life had turned out, and I just couldn't I couldn't regret it. I would say you know, if I was to go back in time, I would do the same thing, yeah, even though it meant, you know, a lifetime of pain. So because of that, I kind of didn't think I had any internal work to do, but obviously I had a huge amount of internal work to do, and so that was the work that I did over COVID and then, kind of coming out of that, I just kept rewriting it, rewriting it, so it wasn't so raw, um, and I decided I was going to, um, self-publish the book and, um, I literally had everything set up to self-publish and I was going to kind of do it over the weekend.
Speaker 5:And I was sitting and work on the uh Wednesday 29th of November last 2023, and I was flicking through, uh, my messages on Instagram and, um, suddenly I got a message from somebody saying that he was my son and he was sorry to contact me that way, um, and he had all of the information, um, that he should have had as somebody I'd given up for adoption in 1988. My first thought was why would somebody do this to me. First of all, how did somebody get this information and why would they do this to me? And I was texting my husband and I just didn't believe it because it was almost 36 years and I had all but given up hope. Yeah, I had gone beyond the point of even daydreaming and even entertaining that anything like that would happen. And then I went on to his Instagram page and I had a look at the photos of him and I knew it was him, so I catapulted into shock immediately and that was that was when the story changed, get the full U-turn.
Speaker 2:That's incredible. I was only thinking about that this morning when I was thinking about talking to you today and I was like gosh, I wonder if you know if I didn't see my kids for a really long time. I wonder if you do, especially when you change so much from kids to adults Like do you know, would you know that? But I know it was them. It's such a hard concept for anyone to try and wrap their head around try and wrap their head around.
Speaker 5:Well, he was um, so he was about maybe three months when I last saw him. Um, and the the uh setup that I had when he was adopted was that, uh, I would be sent a photo every year and get a little update on how he was doing, and so that was fine until he was a I think about five, and at the time I knew his family lived in Dublin and I just was looking in baby buggies everywhere I went I was looking out to see because, you know, I have no um, I've no brothers, but I've only sisters. But, uh, he was beginning to look like my cousins. So I knew I would kind of recognize him and, um, so I stopped, I made the decision to stop getting the photos because I just was torturing myself. Right then I knew his family moved down to Kerry and that was where he was brought up.
Speaker 5:So when he was 21, I just wanted to know how he was doing and I got in touch with the agency and I asked for a photo and I got the photo you know of when he was like 20, 21. So the photo that I saw on his Instagram even though he is now 36, was him talking about his journey, having gone to Canada where he now lives, and he went when he was 26. So that was kind of like there was only a couple of years between the two photos. So I saw that photo and I just went oh my god, it's him, and it was incredibly surreal oh, my goodness, incredibly and 19 1988, was it in Dublin.
Speaker 2:I mean, it was a very different time in Dublin as well, like I remember being in school and a girl and it would have. I mean, it was a very different time in Dublin as well, like I remember being in school and a girl and it would have been. I was trying to think about that today. It would have been around the same age and she was in high school with. I was still in primary school at the time, but she was in secondary school and I remember she was like sent away down the country and then she came back with a baby. Now she actually did keep her son, but it was like it was so scandalous at the time and even as a child I knew that it was. It was.
Speaker 5:They were making it out to be scandalous as well and you're like it was so hard in those days yeah, there was a different, a completely different way of viewing particularly young girls and but you know it was at the time a lot of, uh, girls were beginning to keep their babies and it was, you know, I I always think that they were the ones that kind of paved the way.
Speaker 5:They were very defiant. We were still very um, you know, very cath Catholic country and very, you know, very much, even though we were a little bit more defined. Like I say, we were still kind of under the thumb of the church and our parents would have been under that pressure and you know, I know, you know, in my case, my parents, it wasn't so much that, but it was just kind of thinking about my future and I think that's why they gave me, you know, the option of adoption. So I probably was a little bit different in that. You know anybody around the area here that did get pregnant and of course, girls were getting pregnant because nobody was using contraceptive yeah right, contraceptive, nobody meant to get pregnant you know, we were all like oh, you know um you were a kid anyway, like you, you know.
Speaker 4:You were still a child yourself yeah, well, I was.
Speaker 5:You know, I was 19 when I got pregnant, which you know is not like very young.
Speaker 4:I guess to me. I'm 52, I'm still thinking 19, is it still a baby?
Speaker 5:I was a baby at 19, I know, I know, and I was, I mean, I was really scared, I, I really I really was well, you grow up very quickly.
Speaker 5:But I just, I mean, I did, I weighed up everything, I, the baby, went into foster care after I had him in the hospital with me for four days and then he went into, he went to a foster family, and the idea being that I would be able to kind of just get my head together and make a kind of a clear decision, and it was supposed to be for six weeks and it was kind of more like nine or 10 weeks, and then I decided that I would keep them and I had weighed everything up and made that decision and told everybody, told my social worker, told my parents, my sisters, and told the foster mother, um, a woman called adine, and uh, I, I went to the house, sort of I used to go and visit him and, um, I went kind of the last time and we, you know, it was all very joyous and um, and then I, I walked into the room where he was and I just knew that I was not making the right decision and it was a really that's the last time I saw him.
Speaker 5:I, you know, I kind of put him back down in his cot and I knew that I wasn't actually going to to keep them.
Speaker 5:So, heartbreaking it was. It was like something that was kind of bigger than me that said you know, what do you think you're doing?
Speaker 4:You know I think that's the ultimate mother's love is when you have to weigh the options of what's best for the child in that moment and not weigh what you think is best for you.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, I mean a hundred percent, and I would have considered myself I would have been a very sort of a wayward teen, I suppose, and never really thought you know about the full picture, never really thought you know about the full picture. And suddenly here I was, um, having to think about, uh, you know, a person that I loved more than myself, right, and um, yeah, it was, yeah, it was massive, was the biggest thing that ever happened to me, you know so once you realized that that was him, it was actually him.
Speaker 3:What happened from there?
Speaker 5:um, yeah, well, I was in work first of all, so I no longer um, work in the theater. I kind of, um, kind of fell into a few different things and and then after, uh, covid and a few other things that happened, I just said I just want to go and get a job with the salaries. So, um, beat down doors, right, and so I work as a a clerk in a hospital and, um, I was on my lunch and there was a nurse was in the canteen with me and I, I kind of just went into shock, like I, I kind of had trouble breathing and gasping, and it wasn't really crying, it was more like gasping. And um, yeah, so everybody in work knew it straight, but they all knew that I was about to publish this book, everybody knew my story. Like I say, I've never been, I've never hidden my story, but um, I I've.
Speaker 5:You know, I sort of said, well, like my son, it's, my son has contacted me. And then I was saying, but it's good, even though I was, I was crying, I was, I didn't know whether it was coming or going. And um, I, uh, I went outside, I phoned my husband and he said he'd come and get me, but I couldn't speak, I'd lost, I'd lost the ability to speak, and he was saying, like, where are you? And I was like, well, I'm working, you know? Uh. So anyway, he directed me, told me where to go, got into the car and, just as it happened, um, my two daughters, I have my two daughters, uh are, they're 22 and 24 and they both happen to be home, and um, so it's just the four of us and uh, I, you know we were talking about it, and um, I hadn't at this stage, I hadn't, I hadn't answered him back or hadn't, um hadn't really fully read the message, even properly. Um, so the girls um got a lot of information about him.
Speaker 2:They did like within you know, five minutes, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3:Check out his Tinder.
Speaker 5:Yeah, so. So they were saying you know he, he tried to contact you two days ago were saying you know he, he tried to contact you two days ago, um. So what had happened from his point of view was that he had, um, gotten curious and uh, got got some information from adoption ireland. Uh, it had arrived on the the monday. So the wednesday was the day that I that this all happened to me, but on the monday he got his information from Adoption Ireland and had been thinking, oh, you know, I'll just sit on this and see what I'm going to do, I'll decide. You know, um.
Speaker 5:But when he got my name and he googled my name and um, the internet lit up with me talking about him, basically, and um, so sweet, you know. So he just said she's been so open, I have to contact her straight away. So he sent me a really beautiful message on Facebook, um, which I didn't see because I'm not really on Facebook all that much, and um. So it was two days later and he then sent me a message on Instagram, which was the one I saw. And so we were, we were at home, my husband and my daughters and myself. I kind of said, god, this is two days ago that he texted me first and you know, but I can't, actually I can't string my thoughts together. So my daughters began to text him on my phone and they were, they were texting each other and they were just saying, look, eimear is in shock and she will talk later, but at the moment she just wanted to kind of say she's thrilled that you got in touch and it was just so lovely because you know, like for all of those years, years, I had no personality to attach to the baby that I lost, right, and suddenly here was this grown man who was saying things like I can't believe I'm talking to my sisters, this is amazing, um. And he was saying, you know, give him a hug from me.
Speaker 5:And had said things in his in his initial message to say I know why you, I know why you gave me up and you did it for me, and you did it because you love me and thank you and I've had a great life. And you know, I thought they were very kind things for him to have said to me and you know, so I kind of straight away warmed to the person that he was because you don't know, like you, you know over the years. You think, what if he does get in touch? Or what if it's not compatible? And what if you know? What if he hates me or hasn't forgiven me, or um, so it was none of those things and I, I uh, began to text him.
Speaker 5:Then later on the day, when I had kind of, you know, was able to form a thought again and we were texting for the for the whole night and um, it was just so lovely and like that was November, that was the last day of November. So we are in touch a lot and we've had a few video calls, like our video calls for an hour and a half, you know, just, it's getting quite normal now. Like you know, we're kind of like that's what I was going to ask Is it like those?
Speaker 2:Is it that it feels really natural, or was there like hesitation?
Speaker 5:there was certainly hesitation from my point of view, in that I was terrified I'd make a mistake. Yeah, of course I was like, oh my god, I've been so lucky that he's he's this kind of person and that he wants to reach out. And what if I trip up? What if he talks to me and he goes? Maybe, maybe not? And he picked up on that. You know our first video call he said. By the way, he said you know, I'm not going anywhere. I want you to be yourself.
Speaker 2:Did he always know he was adopted?
Speaker 5:He did, but he didn't have really any information. He wouldn't have known that I was. You know that I was interested in him or anything like that. And he said it wasn't really something that they spoke about. It wasn't an issue for him. He just kind of thought oh, I suppose my mom didn't want me, but it didn't really bother him. My mum didn't want me, but it didn't really bother him. He had a um, you know, a very supportive and loving family and um, he was very happy growing up, which is what I wanted to hear, right, you?
Speaker 5:know it was kind of weird that they said that to him. I didn't want to hear that, oh, he had suffered all those years, because then I'd feel like, yeah, I didn't make a mistake, yeah, so, um, it was, it was good to hear that. But um, yeah, just, um, just, and you know, really special to be able to kind of just go on social media and see, you know his family and see him and his wife and his children and, um, my god, I know that was probably the hardest pill to swallow.
Speaker 5:Actually, you know what I would have said that it would be. I would have always said that I'd be saying to my daughters you know, if you have kids, they're not to call me granny. It didn't bother me at all. I'm going around saying to the dog oh, would granny give you a treat? You know? Um, yeah, yeah. So that's amazing.
Speaker 2:It's such a great story so you haven't met him yet. You haven't actually physically met him.
Speaker 5:Yes, no, so he lives in um kind of done out, as I said, and uh like I would have hopped on a plane the next day without a doubt. But so we both had agreed we wanted to meet sooner rather than later, but he's coming over in June, so so we're going to meet early June.
Speaker 4:Oh my gosh, we have to have a follow up.
Speaker 5:We do have to have you been in contact with, like his adopted family no, I have no contact with them, okay, so I didn't meet them. I met them initially. I met them once I had made the decision, uh, you know, to go ahead with the adoption, and they had the agency or the social workers had chosen a family. We had a meeting and it was very emotional, obviously, and, you know, I felt better after, like I kind of felt relieved because I liked them right, I trusted them, you know, um, and then that was the last, that was the last that I ever saw or heard of of them. Um, I mean, it's not for the want, of you know, stalking Facebook and wondering, like I didn't have surnames or first name even I didn't have anything, you know, wow, that's such a story
Speaker 6:so did you feel like a lot of the healing happened when you met him and talked to him and knew that he had been okay, that everything was good, he did make the right decision? Do you feel like a lot of the trauma that you'd experienced had been healed with that?
Speaker 5:yeah, I mean it's interesting because I kind of went through the trauma to the, to the point of healing, to the point of um accepting that I had, uh, you know, suffered a trauma from having lost a child, um, and there my story ended and I kind of felt that I had this is.
Speaker 5:This is where it is the end of the road for me, so I have to get on with this. So I had, I feel that I had kind of done a huge amount of internal work and I have some friends, or three friends who are psychotherapists, who are kind of saying you really shouldn't have done that work on your own. And I was saying, well, I didn't actually know that's what I was doing actually, in fairness. And I was saying, well, I didn't actually know that's what I was doing actually, in fairness. But when I, when I, when I met him, it was like I don't think it would have been the same had I not done that work, right, you know. So it's like I don't this, this is what I think. I feel like I moved stagnant energy and it brought him to me in a way. You know, that's kind of how I feel.
Speaker 2:And that help wouldn't have been around when you were 19 anyway. I mean, it wouldn't have even been. I'm sure nobody even suggested you go and speak to a therapist when you were 19.
Speaker 5:Well, I did have a social worker who was um, you know, it was helpful to talk to her about the things. But, yeah, I mean definitely, if I had known what I know now, then, yes, I would have gone the excavation, as I call it a lot earlier.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely it was a different, completely different Ireland in those days.
Speaker 5:And the funny thing about the book that has, kind of, I was writing another book, unpublished still, and a novel completely unrelated, and I couldn't move forward with it until I went back and wrote the book about my story, about my adoption story, and I really felt that creatively I was very, um, very stuck and I just needed to get this book written and out of the way. And that was how it started and it kind of obviously turned into so many different things. So I've done nothing with it because I think until I meet him I'm not going to make a decision. And, like, he knows about the book and he's very laid back and you know, whatever I feel I want to do with it he's okay with and um, I've even said to him gosh, maybe it could be a like a um, uh, like a biopic or something like that.
Speaker 5:You know um yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure, so and is he creative?
Speaker 2:so I don't know. Does he have the same creative brain?
Speaker 5:um, I, I, I was delighted that he. I was saying, oh my gosh, he writes really well His posts on Instagram. You know I'm going. Oh, it's great that his grammar is really good.
Speaker 2:He knows where to put the apostrophe Exactly.
Speaker 5:And I was like, oh no, yeah, that's great. He wouldn't consider himself creative, but he's actually quite funny. He has a business with his wife, so the way he would be in some of those posts. He's quite funny and very engaging, but kind of just genuine, very genuine, very kind, just a great person I it's really proud.
Speaker 2:That's amazing. Ah, sure, look. Wow, what a gorgeous story. That's like a tragic story with a beautiful ending. I'm so excited for you. I'm so excited you get to meet him so I have a question for you.
Speaker 3:So, as a psychologist, it comes up a lot, both from parents or mothers who have given up you know a child, and also from people who are adopted and say like I wonder if I should like search. I mean, this comes up all the time in counseling and now there's 23andMe where people can find you know relatives and things like that through our ancestrycom. So for you, would you give any I don't know advice, feedback, any thoughts about how it's like to be on? I guess either end and have someone reach out.
Speaker 5:Um, well, first of all I'd say, um, I mean, every case is different, uh, and you just don't know how somebody is going to be. I think both of us are extraordinarily lucky. He didn't know what he was getting into when he contacted me and then he has this surprise of gosh. I never stopped actually thinking about him or talking about him. So you know he knows he's he's going to be gaining a new family and everybody knows about him and everybody's going to welcome. There's going to be no shocks or anything like that. And I get the, the gift of. You know he hasn't harbored any, you know any ill will towards me. He's, you know, very grateful and and has had a good life. So we're both very, very lucky, although I do think he was incredibly brave to make that connection first because he didn't know what he was getting into. To make that connection first because he didn't know what he was getting into and I know there are people who do that and it doesn't work out for them. But as a birth mother and I can only speak as a birth mother I mean, even if the circumstances are such that you're not going to connect with your child or you know, so if there's somebody who's looking to contact their birth parent and they're not getting in touch with them or they don't want to know it is. You know it's not that you're not loved or haven't been thought about, or you know there haven't been nights, long nights, when you know your birth mother has not, you know, has been crying herself to sleep. And you know, and it's not just me, I did a TV program a few years ago called Adoption Stories on, you know, national television here and it was a really hugely popular program.
Speaker 5:It was like the series six or something like that, and, um, a lot of, an awful lot of, uh, birth mothers and, you know, lost boys, if I, for want of a better word, contacted me, um, after it, you know, and what, just wanted to talk and wanted. I met some of them personally. A lot of them we just spoke on the phone, a lot of them we just emailed, and there were a huge amount of birth mothers who had not told the story to their family. Um, even their husbands didn't know and they said, you know that they would never, they would go to their grave and never connect with their child, but that they, every single day, that they, um, you know they were thinking and carrying the love for that child and the loss of that child.
Speaker 5:So so I kind of would say to people you know, if, if you think that you are okay with you, know you that you, you don't know what's going to happen. It may be a happy story like ours, and it may not be. But I would just kind of say to people that take heart that it's so unlikely that you were have not been loved and thought about every day. Uh, you know your mother carried you for nine months Like she's. You know there's a bond, yeah.
Speaker 4:What's literally a piece of you.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's incredible. It's an incredible story. Yeah, thank you so much for sharing it.
Speaker 4:You're so brave, you are.
Speaker 2:Like unbelievable. As I said in your intro, I always knew you were a beautiful soul, but just even the way you tell this story is just so raw and so transparent and so emotional, and I don't think any of us are any the better for all of us.
Speaker 4:So you think my nose is. I love to talk about it, yeah, and you're helping, so many people and.
Speaker 5:I've always loved to talk about it, yeah.
Speaker 3:And you're helping so many people and I've always loved to talk about it.
Speaker 2:Well, I think that's what's important. I think you touched on it there. I mean, I know a lot of people, a lot of friends and family I have that are adopted as well. You know their, their moms didn't tell anyone that they'd had kids, so they were always afraid to go back and to find their mom or from that rejection, being so afraid to be rejected. You know which must be terrifying on both, on both parties as the mom, as the child, I just can't even imagine. I'm just so glad it was a happy ending for you.
Speaker 6:I can't wait till the book comes out. I know and again.
Speaker 4:I will say one more time follow up.
Speaker 2:I know June.
Speaker 3:Yes, after.
Speaker 4:June. After June, we would love a follow up.
Speaker 5:Oh, I'd love to.
Speaker 2:We'd love to be lovely.
Speaker 5:And I might have made a decision at that stage as to what I'm going to do about the book.
Speaker 4:You know, you're going to know it when you know it.
Speaker 2:It could be a movie. Yeah, yeah, you'll know when you're supposed to know what you're supposed to do with it. Thank you for staying up so late to talk to us. I know.
Speaker 4:And thanks for being such an inspiration on something that people don't talk about all that often, and it's just, it's an amazing story and we're so very happy for you.
Speaker 5:Thank you so much, and can I just say to the four of you that I'm only getting into podcasts, but I really enjoy your podcast and I think you make it work really well. There's four of you. It shouldn't work, but it does.
Speaker 4:I know right.
Speaker 2:Thanks so much, Emer.
Speaker 4:Take care Best of wishes we'll look forward to talking to you soon.
Speaker 2:Bye love see ya, take care. Bye, bye, bye, bye.
Speaker 6:I love that.
Speaker 3:I can't really talk. I was just holding back tears. I was tearing up.
Speaker 4:I know that was very emotional. We all know that I don't do well with that. I was yeah you know.
Speaker 6:My favorite thing, though, was what she said at the very end, because I do think that there are some people who, if she's married, if she hadn't told her husband and he contacted her, she might not reply, and then that feels like rejection. So I'm crying to say it, but what she said about to know that, like you, were still loved, but maybe there's a reason why they're not reaching back out reason why they're not reaching back out I think that's important for people to hear. I think it's incredible, incredible.
Speaker 4:Oh, there's someone out there I can't even describe to you that needs to hear this. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I can't even describe what Dublin in 19, it sounds like she had like a super progressive family because, like, we still had laundries in Ireland at that stage where, like young girls went and they lived in like industrial laundries and they had their babies and those babies were taken away from them and they were given away and they were all run by the Catholic church. They were run by the nuns, so, um, I don't think that the U?
Speaker 4:S was. Well, I mean I guess I can only speak for Missouri, but my town wasn't overly progressive, I mean there, I mean there was maybe I don't know two or three that I can remember, but they just went away, yeah, and no one talked about it and it was like a whisper, but there was no acknowledgement, there was no, and again there's. I mean I'm not, I'm not throwing stones at all, but I do agree that it was a different time and terrifying for that person, because I think it would be terrifying even now in a way.
Speaker 2:I think here not in Ireland like it's pretty standard in Ireland it's not seen, as you know, a terrible thing anymore. We have lots of unmarried mothers and and it's just the way society kind of formed. Whereas I still feel here where we are, I feel like this is Ireland in the eighties. Sometimes I kind of go oh my God. Like you know, people will be horrified if their 19 year old daughter got pregnant and wasn't married. I still think that would be a huge deal here.
Speaker 4:I don't, I mean I don't, I don't and wasn't married. I still think that would be a huge deal here.
Speaker 3:I don't, I mean, I don't, I don't, I don't know. Did you see that, gosh? It was on the news, I think it was maybe two or three weeks ago. But it was all these women, I think, in South America, and they were told that their babies were died at birth. But they were all alive and they took them all and like they were all, and they found out later and there was like a reunification of all these kids with their moms and just they knew immediately but they thought all this time their kids were deceased and then having that reunion, I just can't imagine.
Speaker 6:There was a special story. I think it was in the US, though that happened with a certain doctor's office or whatever that would do that. I can't remember what it was now, but it was like I don't know if it was Dateline 48 hours, yeah.
Speaker 4:I think it was.
Speaker 6:Dateline. It was really interesting. I mean, it was horrible, because they thought they lost their baby and then found out later that they were alive.
Speaker 2:So sad I can't imagine At least social?
Speaker 3:media is good for something it's like for those kinds of things.
Speaker 2:I often think that those dinner parties you know, with the 23 and me there was some very awkward conversations at Christmas when everybody got a 23 and me set.
Speaker 4:Oh my gosh, I can't a thousand percent.
Speaker 6:And then they're like oh, no, yeah, yeah, I mean because, like just for so many different reasons, I mean you put the DNA out there and you can track a lot of stuff.
Speaker 3:So I just she's brave though she's she's.
Speaker 4:it's like what you said, Lisa, like her energy and just her spirit. She's gorgeous, she's just she really is Like you don't even have to see her.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, Just to feel. Yeah, her warmth, yeah word yeah, just build. Just what an amazing human she is so it would be fun to follow up and find out how that I really would love to do that well, I'm friends with her on facebook, so I'll see it all and that'll get her back. Okay, and she will. She'll keep her promise. She'll be good. I just you know.
Speaker 4:Talk to her again yeah, it is, you know talk to her again. Yeah, it is. Yeah, you know, we always like a good ending to a story, like that Special story. I know Like it's always nice to just celebrate the good endings, yeah.
Speaker 6:Cheers to happy endings.
Speaker 4:Happy endings, happy endings yes, cheers, I just can't. Oh my God, oh my God.
Speaker 6:Did you guys feel the note? I was, oh my.
Speaker 4:God, I actually think we need to keep this and like, let it go. I think so too.
Speaker 2:This is what it's like to be with us. That was totally innocent. We are real.
Speaker 4:We say happy endings and we meet it in the just the basics.
Speaker 6:In the most genuine way. Have a great night.
Speaker 1:Have a good night basics in the most genuine way. Thank you for joining the ladies of the middle-aged podcast as they journey through the ups and downs of this not young, but definitely not old season of life. To hear past episodes or make suggestions for future episodes, visit wwwmiddleagedcom. Wwwmiddleageishcom. That's wwwmiddleageishcom. You can follow along on social media at Middle Age-ish Also, if you have a moment, to leave a review rate and subscribe. That helps others find the show and we greatly appreciate it. Once again, thank you so much for joining us and we'll catch you in the next episode of the Middle Age-ish Podcast.
