MIDDLE AGEish
Authentically and unapologetically keeping it real, discussing all things Middle Age (ish), when metabolism slows and confidence grows. Middle Age(ish): A time of transition from dreaming of who we will grow up to be and looking at the legacy we will leave behind. Listen to this podcast and join the hosts of Middle Age(ish) as they sit around with a glass of wine to discuss all things related to middle age with some amazing guests!
MIDDLE AGEish
Finding Your Inner Calm with special guest, Tom Cronin
Are you seeking inner fulfillment and tranquility amidst the chaos of life? Get ready to be enthralled by the journey of Tom Cronin, a master of meditation who transitioned from a chaotic life on a trading room floor to a tranquil existence brimming with peace. Hear about Tom’s fascinating transformation, how he stumbled upon meditation, and his unwavering belief in the power of divine and universal intelligence that supports and guides us.
Learn about the power of mantras and various meditation techniques as Tom unfolds how these practices can de-excite the mind and usher in serenity. He takes us on an exploration of ancient tribal practices and their emergence in the modern world. You'll be intrigued by our discussions on how technology can potentially help us access unprecedented knowledge, while we still have to manage the potential overuse and addiction to technology.
Lastly, we delve into the quest for inner fulfillment and self-realization, and its distinction from outcome-oriented fulfillment. Listen as Tom elaborates on how darkness and challenging times can serve as catalysts for change and growth. We touch upon the services offered at his retreats to help those feeling overwhelmed, and how meditation and mantras can help disconnect from the outer world and find peace. Tune in to learn about embracing the present moment, using mantras to stay centered, and the various ways you can work with Tom to learn these meditation techniqes.
For more information on Tom Cronin, CLICK HERE
Connect with us!
Visit our website: https://www.middleageish.com
Instagram: @middleageish
TikTok: @middleageish
Facebook: @middleageishpodcast
YouTube: @middleageishpodcast
Twitter: @middleageishpod
Welcome to the Middle-Age-ish podcast, authentically and unapologetically, keeping it real, discussing all things middle-age-ish, a time when metabolism slows and confidence grows. Join fashion and fitness entrepreneur Ashley Badosky, former Celtic woman and founder of the Lisa Kelly Voice Academy, lisa Kelly, licensed psychologist and mental health expert, dr Pam Wright, and highly sought-after cosmetic injector and board-certified nurse practitioner, trisha Kennedy-Roman. Join your hosts on the journey of Middle-Age-ish.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Middle-Age-ish podcast. My name is Trisha Kennedy-Roman and I'm joined here today with my co-host, ashley Badosky, lisa Kelly and Dr Pam Wright, and we are so honored today to have our guest with us, tom Cronin. He's known as a king of calm. He specializes in meditation and has six books out on meditation. Now, then, has just traveled the world and speaking on meditation, and is something I think that we can definitely all use in our lives. So welcome to the podcast, tom. We're so excited to have you.
Speaker 3:It's great to be. Thanks for inviting me along today.
Speaker 2:Yes, we're super excited, and so the one thing I didn't get in my research. But Lisa is married to an Australian, so she was thinking she was picking up Australian accent, is that right?
Speaker 3:That's correct. I'm in Sydney, australia, sydney. My husband's from Sydney. Ah, cool, awesome.
Speaker 4:Yes, I've been many, many times. I love it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a great city. I like it a lot as well.
Speaker 4:I know it's filled with Irish people, though, which must be your ancestry too, because Cronin is from Cork in.
Speaker 3:Ireland. That's very true. Actually, my father's from Balli Bhanian County, Cork.
Speaker 4:There you go. I was like, oh Cronin, tom Cronin in Sydney has to be Irish. I know it's so funny. It's so funny. People always say that and you get really frustrated as an Irish person when they go. You must know. But I was actually in Sydney the first time I went to Sydney to visit my husband's family and we were in Sydney and I was walking down very close to Bondi and next of all I heard someone go Lisa, is that you?
Speaker 3:It is my cousin from Dublin, oh my gosh Small world.
Speaker 4:A very small world yeah there's loads of Irish in Sydney. Okay, that's funny.
Speaker 6:Because I would not have known that.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah, yeah, it's filled. Yeah, beautiful there.
Speaker 3:Well, I just happened to fit in that cliche because I do live in Bondi. So there you go.
Speaker 4:There you go. That's our old Irish live.
Speaker 2:Beautiful there. So your history is pretty interesting because you didn't start out with meditation. It wasn't a calm lifestyle for you in the beginning, was it?
Speaker 3:No, certainly not. It was kind of chaotic and crazy. Well, certainly my teenage years and 20s, where I became a broker in finance and was working on a trading room floor. It was actually I started my career in 1987, which is the same year that Jordan Belfort started his career as a broker as well. So it was the wild, wild west of finance markets and things were pretty, pretty crazy back then. So, yeah, that was the sort of first sort of foray into, you know, a world that I didn't really plan on. You know, I was supposed to go to university and do a degree in journalism but before I knew it I was on a trading room floor and screaming and yelling and doing lots of crazy things.
Speaker 2:Wow, that sounds like a lot of stress. So we were talking about. I know when I try to meditate, I get stressed out trying to meditate, because then I'm telling myself I need to calm down, I need to quiet things down, and then I just get. Meditation makes me more stressed, though. How in the world did you go from stock exchange to meditation?
Speaker 6:And being so calm.
Speaker 3:Thanks. Well, look, you know, it really was a beautiful process really that was. If you look backwards, you start to see a sort of almost like a divine intelligence in the way things are working and the more we see that, the more we have a deeper trust and faith in that process and realize that there's an incredible supportive mechanism called this sort of universal intelligence that's guiding us. And for me, I was going way off orbit in life lots of drugs, drinking, partying, and that led to a lot of anxiety and depression and insomnia, panic attacks, eventually really a full blown nervous breakdown at the age of 29. But it was in that time.
Speaker 3:It was a really dark night of my soul, you know where I was not being able to go to work, I was having mental health leave and I came across a particular documentary where this property developer they were doing a story on his success a big property developer here in Australia, and they were doing a story on his success and part of that story was how we used this particular style of meditation called transcendental meditation to help facilitate his success. And he was saying how it really helps him with his mind and helps his body and helps him have greater cognitions and thoughts and I got really into that. I thought, wow, that sounds really fascinating. So I looked up that style of meditation in the other pages phone book which for young kids would be the Google page, google pages.
Speaker 6:Yeah, we do.
Speaker 3:And so, yeah, that's when I started my journey into meditation. Now, one thing that's really important I did a lot of research into meditation and some of you were talking about how you try to meditate. It's just really difficult. Look, there's so many different styles of meditation and most of them are quite challenging. You know, the mind doesn't want to be still, the mind doesn't want to not think, the mind wants to think, and when the mind thinks, it wants to think about something in the future or the past. So we need a mechanism, a device or something that's going to help facilitate the quieting of the mind. And that's where the mantra, or the, this primordial vibration that you get given in that particular style of meditation, comes in.
Speaker 3:And the beautiful thing with the mantra is that it's the sound that you repeat inside your head and the repetition of that it does all the work for you. You trying to still the mind is just going to be like almost pointless. It's very, very difficult for you to try to still the mind, but if you use a sound that you repeat effortlessly inside your head, then what happens is that sound does all the work for you and what it's doing is. It's really interesting if you look at the mechanics of this, your thoughts always gravitate to something outside of you, in the future, past or present. So we'll go to you know what Bitcoin is doing. We'll go to who's going to win the election, we'll go to who's winning the football game, or go to your kids or your money or your partner or something that's outside of you.
Speaker 3:And then your mind moves in that direction, to a formal phenomenon, to some sort of matter, and then it creates some degree of excitation or stimulation, and that's why the mind doesn't so it doesn't naturally go inward to stillness and silence. It's just got no interest in that whatsoever. So that's where the mantra comes in. The sound, this beautiful, cognized, primordial vibration, has this quality to actually lure the mind inward, to the subtle world, away from form, phenomenon and excitation, into de-excitation. And that's when we start to really quieten the mind down, because you're doing that, because the mantra is doing that.
Speaker 2:That's fascinating.
Speaker 6:That's really cool, ok, so I have to ask the question. So, like, I know this is going to be me being super stupid, all right. So you're talking about this sound Like. Are we talking like? Is it a sound machine or like what I mean? Seriously, because I have to know, I have to know like. Ok, so how do you, how do you get that sound? What is that sound?
Speaker 3:Because I need it in my life. It's really good. It's a really good question. Yeah, give me that sound now.
Speaker 6:I know Seriously, we need it.
Speaker 4:Absolutely Hum it, tom, hum it.
Speaker 6:Please tell me where I can find that sound.
Speaker 3:So the mantra is where we get two words. Man is where we get the word mind and truck. T-r-a is a vehicle like truck, and so mantra is a mind vehicle. And if you think of a vehicle or a truck, it takes something from one place to another place, and so the mantra is a vehicle that takes the mind inward. Now there's lots of different mantras out there.
Speaker 3:For example, a mantra that people use in meditation is om namah shiva. Now, the thing with om namah shiva is that that's a mantra, meditation mantra, which means that you repeat it, usually with mala beads, that you repeat over and over again Om namah shiva, om namah shiva, om namah shiva. Now the purpose of that mantra is to repeat that out loud usually, and it has a beautiful quality or resonance that is quite soothing for the mind. But these transcending mantras, the ones that we say inside our head, that take the mind beyond thinking altogether, that is, to transcend, are very different and unique mantras and they're usually given in a particular ceremony by a teacher, with a qualified teacher that you'd find in your local area, and they would choose that mantra based upon when you were born. So it's a primordial sound or vibration that you repeat very effortlessly inside your head and the repetition of that sound. It's almost like a baby that's trying to sleep in a cot and you're just soothing its back with your hand, very, very gently, just caressing its back, and that repetition of the gentleness of that will slowly soothe the baby into sleep. And that's what the mantra does. It's a very gentle caressing of the mind through the repetition of that sound and you get that from the teacher based upon when you were born.
Speaker 3:Basically, with my website, you can learn that through an in-person course.
Speaker 3:We also do have an online version that people can learn how to meditate using that particular program, because it's a real conundrum that we're in the world at the moment with this particular style of meditation because it's traditionally taught in person.
Speaker 3:When it's taught in person, there's usually a ceremony around it and then there's what we call an initiation and then they give that person their mantra. Now we've got a lot more people inquiring. We've got people on podcasts. We've got social media. We've got YouTube. We've got videos where people can take on information from anywhere in the world. We didn't have that 15 years ago before people looked up the Yellow Pages phone book and found someone in their area and then they went to that locality, whereas now we have the global civilization, a global community, and the conundrum we're facing now with this particular style of meditation is do we stay with the consistent and recurring pattern of the way we've been doing this or do we open that up and start looking at options and teaching this online and teaching this through Zoom or teaching this in ways that people can access it all around the world? That's something that a few people are just starting to explore and play around with.
Speaker 4:And I think people are doing that for like every line of work, especially since COVID and you guys were closed down for so long for COVID as well. I'm sure this was most beneficial for people around that time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a really big, interesting space that we're in now as a species, I think, for us to really get out of the doldrums that we're in right now, the stress, the world, the anxiety, the addictions we need to en masse go through quite a significant change, and I think things like social media, the digital revolution, technology is giving that opportunity to us as a species to come together in a more unified, harmonious way and find solutions to our problems, to find a more progressive way to do things better and to let the world have access to some of these things that they never had access to before. And that's why I think we're seeing plant medicine, yoga, meditation, breath work all suddenly emerge from ancient modalities, ancient tribal cultures, and I think there's a reason why it's starting to integrate into the world today.
Speaker 4:As mad though it's kind of crazy, because it's like the two evils, because you're like. It's the reason none of us can unwind or relax. Because you're constantly on, because you're constantly, you know you're accessible at all times and it's the very thing we need to unplug from, but it's the one thing that we can actually use to help us relax. It's just finding that balance. Yeah, it's very, very difficult.
Speaker 3:Yeah, finding sovereignty in life is going to be really important going forward. It's getting harder and harder for us to overcome the addictive qualities of things like social media and the noise that's out there, and it's a great test for us. You know, if you think of the US Navy SEALs, you know they're kind of the elite in that when it comes to things like you know, the Army and they go through an incredibly intense test to get to that level. And I think as a species you know we're going through our own intense tests to up-level to the next stage and this difficult time that we're in right now is like a great challenge and a great test for us. But if we're able to pull this off and to learn sovereignty, to learn what is being taught and what's being offered here, then I really see us up-leveling as a species into a whole new paradigm.
Speaker 6:Well, I do. I think that people, you know, and I say this often you have to find your peace in the world that we live in now and I think with an, again with you know, joking aside, I think the meditation, like finding a way to calm the mind and quiet the mind, like you speak about, is so important because, I mean, life is moving at full mock speed and does cause a ton of stress and sometimes I think that it's like that it wants to do that, it wants to create that chaos and that uncertainty. But when you can find a place of peace you know you've spoken about it before that that's the place that we need to get to and, again, it doesn't take away things that you have to go through. But when you can find peace and that's how you resolve it, you know it becomes kind of magical.
Speaker 3:So yeah, you know it's something that's not instilled in us in our society. What's instilled in us is that we're reactive. You know, in every Netflix drama and book that we read and music song that we listen to, it's all about you made me feel this way. Either you made me feel good or you made me feel bad. You know, we listened to Mariah Carey songs and Michael Bolton songs, those in middle age-ish that you can remember.
Speaker 6:Oh, I had the grass tapes.
Speaker 2:I can never live without you, you know that sort of stuff. Yes, I had the cassette tapes.
Speaker 6:I loved them.
Speaker 3:And so this gets deeply embedded into our psyche, that this is how we live our life. It's that good things make me feel good and bad things make me feel bad, but it's not the way we necessarily have to live our life, and what I'm really all about is helping people learn sovereignty and that we can sustain a particular state regardless of the circumstances of life we can actually get into. But it's not easy. Of course it takes work and it's a daily process every day of looking at, maintaining and managing and owning your state, so that, interestingly, two things happen. One is that we're not discombobulated and thrown around by the circumstances of life, which are very uncertain and constantly changing, but also by owning our state and sustaining a higher frequency, a higher vibrational state, an emotional state that is one of equanimity in love and compassion and kindness and care, and not in angst and worry and overwhelm and depression or anger, then what happens is based upon the law of attraction and magnetism and the quantum field.
Speaker 3:What's interesting is that we start to attract in better situations and circumstances in life, which of course, helps facilitate us owning our state more, and it's a really interesting dynamic. A lot of people don't realize that it's the state that they're in. That, more often than not, determines what they're attracting, which of course, causes them to stay in their state. And so we've got to break out of that cycle and we've got to be sovereign in our state and using practices and modalities on a daily basis to do that's really critical. So for me excuse me, I just got back from a grease retreat and I've got a bit of a tickle in my throat.
Speaker 5:No worries, yeah.
Speaker 3:But you know, for me my daily routine is very much about establishing my day, built on the foundation of the state that I'm in, and I use particular things to help that. So it would be some stretching or yoga in the morning, some breath work, some meditation, some journaling. Obviously, eating really nourishing, healthy food, drinking lots of water and hydrating and all of these things are a particular proactive process that I'm in to make sure that, whatever happens throughout the rest of the day, I've built my foundation of the house, of what my day is going to be, and that sure things will test and challenge me. There's circumstances that will pop up that might not meet your expectation, but you've got greater capacity to move through that because of the work you've done to start your day and then, of course, closing your day as well is really important as well.
Speaker 5:So I'm a psychologist. I have a lot of people that we ask to do like journaling, mindfulness, things like that, and the two issues are one I don't have enough time which I hear a lot.
Speaker 6:I'm just going to ask, okay, talking about time.
Speaker 5:And second of all is just oh, that didn't work for me. Meaning I tried it maybe once or twice. So if someone is starting brand new, what kind of feedback or advice do you give them? One for, like just giving it a try that's a really good try and like, how do they actually start the process?
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's such a good question. Firstly, we look at time, because that's one of the ones you touched on. We all have 24 hours in a day and every hour has three portions of 20 minutes, which means there's 72 20 minute portions of pie every day that you're allocating to one thing or one thing alone. Every single person on the planet is allocating 72 20 minute portions of pie in their day to finding fulfillment. That is the driving motivation behind all action. Whether we're cleaning the bathroom floor, going to work, putting bottle tops on bottles or going to do the grocery shopping, going to the movies, going to the gym, going to a sauna, all of that is the quest to find fulfillment. So I always say to my students that sort of oh I don't know if I've got the time for this, it's okay. How's your quest and your time allocation to finding fulfillment working out for you? And if it's working out for you and your fist pumping hell. You're fulfilled in your life, then keep doing what you're doing, and if you're not, then start looking at what your time allocation with your day is and maybe reassessing your core values. And what we need to do is reassess what core values are, and so, for most of us. What we have is what's called outcome oriented fulfillment, and that's not your fault, because that's what society conditioned and coded you to think that if you get something, if you acquire something, if you have some activity, then you'll be more fulfilled. And that's what we call outcome oriented fulfillment.
Speaker 3:Now, the problem with outcome oriented fulfillment is that it's so fleeting if it does manage to meet our expectation or exceed our expectation, or it might not even arrive. If I can meet someone, then I might be happy, but I just don't seem to meet anyone. Or if I can get a good job, I might be happy. If I can have the weather turn out for my picnic, then I'll be happy. If I can get a new dress, I'll be happy. Now, the problem with that is that it's very fleeting, it's unstable, it's inconsistent, which means that we have to keep either acquiring new things or we have to keep having more experiences to try and get more fulfilled, which is an insatiable thirst that we have that we just will never satiate.
Speaker 3:Now, what we want is self referred fulfillment, and self referred fulfillment comes from an arising from within, and there's a beautiful saying no one needs to suffer in life because there's an ocean of bliss within everyone, and that's from Maharasimha Heshiogi that was one of the great leaders of our time to bring this meditation out to the world. Now there's lots of practices that I do, but the key practice that I have is this deep, transcending meditation, because it leads me to the ocean of bliss, the ocean of bliss that's within me. We all have fulfillment as actually as our own inner right, but it's not in the thinking mind and it's not in the emotional body. It's something deeper than that and we must start to connect to that part of ourselves that is completely full and is that is completely satiated and that's being itself. And it sounds very spiritual and esoteric.
Speaker 3:But until we start to experience that part of ourselves, we're always going to be falling short of what the human experience is. We're not just physical, mental and emotional. We're physical, mental, emotional and spiritual, and until we get that fourth component, we're always going to have one quarter of the segment of our whole existence completely ignored and that's going to leave us deeply unfulfilled. So I would suggest that we look at our time in our day and look at what are we doing to sustain our own inner state of fulfillment, and then I would highly recommend looking up a particular style of meditation that's beyond mindfulness. Mindfulness is important and it's good, but we need something that takes us beyond the thinking mind and into consciousness itself. Until we do that, we're always falling short of what the human experience will be.
Speaker 2:So you've obviously done a 180 from where you were to where you are now. Did it take you a long time to get to that point?
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's an ongoing process. I'm still learning and growing and evolving. We're all in the process of enlightenment. Enlightenment is an ongoing process and even if someone's in abject misery, it's still part of their journey to realize their true nature.
Speaker 3:My biggest leaps in life were always just after some of my darkest times, the most challenging times. Darkness, challenging times, difficult times, conflict, turmoil, chaos is actually the impetus for change and growth. It's just that most of us don't realize what it's there for and we're ignoring the opportunity that comes from that difficult time for a time for adaptive change. But for me, it was quite a significant shift. That happened when I learned to meditate and when I started realizing that I was ignoring an aspect of myself for many, many years which was the source of all my suffering. And when I started giving that more attention, my life simply started to get better.
Speaker 3:Didn't get perfect, and it still isn't today, and I'm not an enlightened person, I'm just in the process of becoming more awake and more conscious. You just get better and life gets better, and it's something that's an integral part of our day. And if we ignore it which most of us are doing, unfortunately then we're just going to have more suffering. But that's okay. The suffering is there to guide us and to give us a sense of what can I do different than what I'm currently doing, so that I don't have the same suffering repeating itself over and over again.
Speaker 2:I really thought about getting something outside of your body to be able to relax. But I've just discovered brown noise instead of white noise. But I have to play that every night when I sleep and I guess that that's kind of that external sound I'm hearing to really help me relax. But I have to have sound, but that brown noise now is like I love it, I have to sleep with it. I feel like that's like helping me relax.
Speaker 3:And what is the brown noise? What is it? I know I had to ask that.
Speaker 2:So my friends just were visiting and they were like, oh, you have to, because I said I had to have a white noise. I use Alexa and I have her do white noise, but brown noise is just, it's like a little bit deeper. Like a different I feel like I sleep so much better with my brown noise. So, yes, if you've not tried brown noise, I think it's just a different frequency, but it's deeper, so I feel like it just.
Speaker 6:I had amazing and that's what we've been talking about Like just how things like internally, like those little things like you said, that will kind of shut the outside noise out. No pun intended, but you know it takes you to that place of restfulness.
Speaker 2:That's my technology, because now when I tell Alexa what time I want to set the alarm, she automatically turns on brown noise for me. So, wow, technology can be good and bad. Jay Shetty is obviously a very well-known podcaster and a former monk, and we have a monastery near where I live and we've gone to different prayer sessions and stuff. But I think that that's something, too, how they find so much peace, because I think that most of their lives, at least from what I understand, is based on meditation and kind of, you know, letting the outside world and disappear, yeah, so I think that's really interesting.
Speaker 3:Okay, I always come back to a book by Malcolm Gladwell called the Outliers. I don't know if anyone's read it, but it's a book that identified that there were certain outliers in our society. There were people that stood out, that were different from the rest, and what he found was that there was a principle called the 10,000 hour principle, that the outliers were usually someone that was exceptionally good because they allocated a proportionally large amount of time doing something than other people. So Yo-Yo Ma are in a cello, or Tiger Woods hitting a golf ball, or you know, you know, donald Bradman in cricket hitting golf, hitting cricket balls. So people that had these exceptional qualities were usually someone that had allocated more time than other people to that particular thing. So if we look at an enlightened person, someone that sustains deep inner peace, the same principles apply to them.
Speaker 3:That they've simply spent more time to sustain and attain that inner peace than someone that spent more time shopping and Scrolling through TikTok and Instagram feeds. And so we've become as a society, because of our time allocation and our 10,000 hour principle We've become really good at shopping, we've become really good at gambling, we've become really good at watching sport, we've become really good at scrolling through feeds, but have we become really good at attaining inner peace? Simply, it's a time allocation and those people that allocate a little bit more time to that particular thing and that's the only difference between my life now and my life pre. I call it BM before meditation and AM after meditation.
Speaker 3:You know, before I found meditation, my life was chaos and the only difference was a shift in the allocation of my time and what I did with my time. That's the only thing that's changed, and I just did a few things slightly differently. Instead of being out in a nightclub doing lines of cocaine till 4 in the morning, I'd got a bit earlier and meditate in the morning. So those activities are the things that change my life and if we're, if our life isn't where we want it to be, look at the time allocation, look at what we're doing with that time and start thinking about what can I do differently Than what I'm currently doing? Because this suffering and this discomfort that I'm experiencing is a catalyst, it's a communication, it's an intelligent design that is supporting you. It's like a maternal guiding support system that loves you dearly and it's trying to give you an impetus, a cue, to do things differently so that you can have a better life and live a more fulfilling existence. We're actually here for joy and love.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah. So when you look at, like you know, cell phones and social media and things like that I know there's a lot of research and psychology about those things lead to like greater depression and more depression and things like that. What do you recommend? That people is there like a number, like a, occasionally beyond social media or your phone for a certain amount of time a day, like do you ever Quantify that?
Speaker 3:yeah, look life. It's difficult because my phone is my business, so most of my business comes through inquiry, particularly through Instagram and Facebook, so there is definitely a need for me personally because it's almost like my office. I need to go into my office regularly and attend to the inquiry there. However, I think one of the most detrimental things we have in our world right now for our mental states and our emotional state is Reels and tick tock. I think the endorphin and addiction Component of that is really having such a detrimental effect on the youth of our world.
Speaker 3:I think there's that, and obviously Pain medication is another big problem that we have in our world and what. What's happening is that we we're unallowing ourselves and it's different for some people in adjunct ab abject pain and they need the support for that. I totally get that and respect that. Pain is something that is a catalyst and it's different if it's physical pain, of course, but generally pain and suffering is a cue for change. It's a it's a cue to make things different, and what we're having in the world is a lot of depression, but a lot of people really addressing that in a healthy, happy, in a healthy way, and we're not really looking at the underlying causes of that.
Speaker 3:A lot of people are medicating or self medicating without really assessing what are the things you're doing in your life that could potentially be leading to that depression and what can you do differently that can help alleviate that ongoing imbalance on an emotional and mental level. And I think really having some strict guidelines around the use of our phone and what we do with our phone is going to be really, really important going forward. And the challenge is that these, these devices and these apps and there's a lot of talk around this now designed for addiction and, unfortunately, for the youth of the world, particularly teenagers. They just haven't got the sovereignty yet. They don't have the maturity, the mental capacity. The brain hasn't even finished developing that. The brain doesn't finish developing until the age of 24, 25, and so these youth are given these devices that are so deeply addictive that it's wreaking havoc in their mental, emotional states.
Speaker 5:Now, yeah, I'm seeing more and more people that are you know, mid 30s, 30, young 30s, mid 30s, who parents are coming in and saying they're addicted to these, these games, or talking to people on you know computer and just how it's hard to get them, you know, off from that to go work or do a career or things like that. It's just really different from what.
Speaker 6:Yes, reality yeah and. I think, that's the driving force of all of that is to create that False reality and then you get sucked into it. But it really is addiction, I agree.
Speaker 5:It's complete, complete, addiction.
Speaker 2:Well, I love what you say about time allocation, because I always I think I have a very busy life and I always feel too busy for, you know, self-care, too busy for exercise, too busy for so many things. But I'm sure, if I looked at how much time I've spent scrolling through Instagram, scrolling through Facebook, you know I could probably allocate some time to meditation, and so I think that that's just really considering your time allocation. I think is really important.
Speaker 3:You know it's really interesting.
Speaker 3:You touched on the word busy life, and what we've also conditioned and almost not only normalized but glamorized is having a busy life, and I was also very deeply glamourizing a busy life as well.
Speaker 3:I thought, the busier that I am, the more meaning I have in my life and the more purpose I have in my life, and I realized that that was leading me to great levels of discomfort and stress, and so I started to think deeply about the life that I wanted to create, and a lot of people don't realize how powerful they are at creating a life.
Speaker 3:They were very powerful at creating a busy life, so you could actually be very powerful at creating a non-busy life, and so I work with a lot of people and helping them reshape their perspective of what a successful life could look like. And if you start to get very clear about what a successful life could look like where you're not busy and you have big gaps of time in your day for self-care, personal development and just rest yet you still have as great a deal of success and a great deal of meaning and purpose in life you'd be quite fascinated how quickly you could create a life around that. It's just that we don't generally think it's possible and our society conditions and codes us into thinking that a busy life is an important life. But it doesn't actually have to be that way and we can have very successful, very abundant and very healthy lives where we're not busy, and I think we need to start thinking about that as a collective species.
Speaker 3:That's really cool.
Speaker 2:So you talk about your coaching clients, so I'm assuming then you have with your website you have different meditation classes, you have different coaching. Can you tell us a little bit about what you have on your website?
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a bit of a mixed bag, so I do a number of different things. I work with people from sort of ground zero, where they're just stressed and overwhelmed and they're just struggling with life, and that's where I teach them to meditate and help them get themselves back on track and back into orbit. And as people start to go through that journey with me and their meditation journey, then the next progression is for them to come on my retreats and do more advanced programs and processes on retreats. We just had one increase a couple of weeks ago and I do those retreats in Australia and in nice places around the world. Yeah, the next one's in Bali, which you'll love.
Speaker 4:We can do Bali.
Speaker 3:Yeah, twist your arm on that one.
Speaker 3:So the retreats are really beautiful and powerful process. They're really big, resetting and realigning and up leveling and then from there what I tend to find is a lot of people are looking to start following in my footsteps and doing the things that I do. So I have a teacher training program teaching people how to become meditation teachers, and I also have a coaching program for people wanting to set up businesses or find more purpose and passion in their life and start to live, I guess, lives that they feel more congruent with, which would be, you know, people going into teaching and coaching, and breath workers, yoga teachers, meditation teachers who want to set up a business. So I have a coaching program around that, helping them make that transition and grow their businesses as healers and coaches and speakers and authors and breath workers, etc.
Speaker 2:Amazing how often do you do retreats? Do you do those very frequently?
Speaker 3:Last year I did three, this year I did two. Next year we two again, one in April in Australia and then one in September in Bali.
Speaker 4:We could do both, yes.
Speaker 5:I mean I probably need both For sure.
Speaker 3:It's in the long term plan.
Speaker 4:Although April in Sydney might be a bit cold for us.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's getting fresh, that's for sure yeah, yeah, it's cold there. The reason why I do it in April, because if I did it during peak summer, it's very difficult to inspire and convince people to spend a lot of their time in their day meditating and yoga in a room.
Speaker 4:When the beach is just around the corner, can we just go surf?
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's right. You mean I have to do more meditation.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:How long are you retreating?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so we do a four day retreat, which is the one in Australia. It's called Alchemy, and it's a very intense sort of four day process where we're a bigger number of people in a big conference room and we take them through that sort of very powerful, intimate and four day cocoon experience. And then the longer retreat, which is the one we do either in Greece or Bali or Hawaii. The next ones are going to be in Bali, though, and that's a sort of more luxurious, spaced out retreat. It's a six or seven day retreat where you get massages and you go and have the jacuzzi and the sauna and sit by the pool, and you've got your own private villa looking down the mountains, and it's really a more of a sort of spacious retreat.
Speaker 6:I know I'm already ready. Yeah, we're ready.
Speaker 2:Okay, that sounds awesome. I definitely think that something I need to do is really time allocation and just kind of taking that time to have that piece and I have definitely been inspired by what you've said. It's amazing how you've switched from going from such a busy and chaotic lifestyle to I feel calm just listening to you talk. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 6:I feel like my blood pressure is like just even. But I think just the way that you described it, like Trisha was saying that the time allocation, like that's going to be a sticking point for me, in the sense that I'm going to be able to get that.
Speaker 6:I think that's the only point for me in the sense that I'm going to really like just use that and think about it because you're right, we have, like these busy lives or whatever, but when we actually look at how we allocate our time during the day, I think it's startling. I mean, I always get little nuggets when we step away from the podcast, but this is one thing and we talked about it before you came on. That we were super excited because we do. All of us have talked about the inner and how do we do that?
Speaker 6:We don't know. I mean that's not our forte, but just even like the little nuggets that you have said, I mean I think that that's such a great start, I know, for me personally, because that's my biggest thing I have to calm my mind, like I have to make it stop working.
Speaker 2:Well, I wish I would have known this earlier and I think a great thing for, like my kids, before they ever had technology to almost make that part of a practice, you know you would teach kids when they're young to have that time to meditate and everything before you hand them the cell phones and stuff. I think that would be really great.
Speaker 3:I'm just going to get slightly correct, a little a very nuanced when it comes to words. We tend to use the terminology calm my inner world. I would suggest that we use the language that says find my inner calm, because there's an inner calm.
Speaker 4:Oh yes.
Speaker 3:It's like. The analogy I use is the depth of the ocean. On the surface, there's lots of turbulence, there's peaks and troughs, and the peaks and troughs aren't caused by the ocean. The peaks and troughs are caused by the wind, the high pressure system, boats moving along it. So we've got the ocean being affected by something else, and that's how most people are. They're affected by circumstances in life. But if we go from the surface of the ocean to the very depths of the ocean, there's always a calmness there. So the calmness is inside you. We just have to find it. And that's where the mantra comes in. It connects you to that part of you that's unflappable. There's a part of you that's unruffable. There's a part of you that exists, which is consciousness itself, that is observant of the world, but not torn and thrown around and affected and discombobulated by the world, and we just need to stabilize and operate from that place more and more.
Speaker 2:That's so true.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:This has been something that's been, I feel like, very meaningful for me, and I think that it's really great for everyone to really have that time to find their inner calm, like you said, and so we'll definitely include your website. I think it's great and we really appreciate your time today. Yes, thank you so much. I feel calmer just talking to you. It's been great.
Speaker 3:Well, hopefully we see you in Bahá'u'lla. That'd be amazing.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, yes, I'm going to definitely look better We'll be there, that's awesome.
Speaker 4:Thank you so much. Yes, thank you, Tom. It's been such a great talk with you.
Speaker 2:Such a pleasure.
Speaker 6:Have a good night. I need to meditate.
Speaker 4:It's morning there.
Speaker 2:Is it me, or did I burge?
Speaker 4:tripping. Yeah, yeah, it's, I saw it this morning.
Speaker 6:Because they're literally 24 hours ahead of us. It's 12. Meditate.
Speaker 4:It's 8 AM there, just after.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember that 13. Because I was like am I here burge tripping or am I starting out with meditation?
Speaker 4:I heard a bend, I heard a trash. Yeah, I saw it. I thought OK, as you lay trough.
Speaker 5:He didn't feel like meditation, motion.
Speaker 2:So early, it's so early. He was so interesting though.
Speaker 6:Oh my gosh. Yeah, I need to meditate it makes me think about.
Speaker 5:So there's a thing I do with. So I learned this at Georgia State when I was doing my residency. So you talk to college students but really with anybody and you say, ok, we're going to make a list of how many hours a day do you spend doing these things. So it's like sleeping, eating, studying, going to the gym, everything. So you think about everything that you do and you make them add up their totals and they're always missing 24 hours. And so you're like where is that day? Like you're missing the entire day of what you think that you're doing. Does that make sense? So work is eight hours and driving is two hours, it's 10 hours and then sleeping is eight hours. But it's like they always come up with these things but they're always missing time. So they feel like they're so busy, but in reality there's extra time there. It's just like where does that time go? And it probably is, like he said, scrolling, looking at reals.
Speaker 5:Oh.
Speaker 3:I spent hours on my phone Watching TV.
Speaker 6:Or doing down the real rabbit hole. But I do. It's interesting. I really would like to start my day off meditating.
Speaker 2:It sets your purpose, it does.
Speaker 6:Because who did we talk about? That talked about setting the purpose, did we not meet? We've actually met quite a few people, I know.
Speaker 2:Sorry, We've talked to so many people, I've been so moving, but I think that honestly with him this probably went the most. I've had I needed to listen to. Yeah.
Speaker 5:And his time frames, like there's only. Like if you look at 20 minutes, 20 minutes, 20 minutes and all those times that you have, it seems like a lot of time, but then it's, we don't use that time. For us it's 20 minutes we use it for other things.
Speaker 6:No, I really do Like I really do want to start my day, like I want to figure out how to do this meditation and like where you can shut the brain off and it's really weird.
Speaker 4:I kind of feel like I am calm on the inside, I feel like calm, but I can't switch my head off by different things. I don't feel like I'm about to blow over, like with. No, I kind of feel there's a like a good equilibrium, but I still can't turn my head off.
Speaker 6:See, and that's like my problem, cause I really like I for the most part, I do feel like I'm super at peace but my brain doesn't shut off. And I think that learning to start my day with a very like distinct purpose, where you ground yourself, you turn it off, you go inward, like he was talking about I think that that's is only going to enhance the calmness and enhance the peacefulness.
Speaker 4:I get that, but I wonder, I wonder, just throw a little spanner in the works here, you are out to do that. Could he maintain that if he was going back on the trading floor how do you like? You can't, you can't like. So we're all running our own businesses, so you can start with great intentions. No, you're going to sort of super in the day.
Speaker 6:I know it would help you to how you react throughout the day. Where we're we're our Like. This is the way that at least I took it. It will help you end your reaction.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 6:Because it it sets that purpose. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 6:We I mean all of us deal with the public all the time. There is no normal day. It's not, you know, like you can. There's no expectation like this happens every single day, it's always different is to continue to set the calm. So, like you know, again I feel like I'm getting to a place of such peacefulness and whatever, but it still doesn't. Like you know, I'll still get on social media or I'll still be like, oh no, I need that, I gotta buy that, I wanna have this, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 6:Those kind of things of when this what I feel like. For me it would enhance the peace and it will make it more organic and genuine and cause. I mean I feel it. But then I can go. I can get sidetracked and go down that rabbit hole of oh my God, I gotta have that.
Speaker 4:I gotta eat all that stuff.
Speaker 6:So that's what I'm saying. I don't think it's like I'm gonna go. I mean I would love to go to Bali.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking, I'm not calm, so I just need to move to Bali.
Speaker 4:I'm thinking, that's what I'm thinking Girl's trip, girl's trip there you go.
Speaker 6:I'm gonna go from Chattel to Bali?
Speaker 4:Yes, let's do. I think. I'm also afraid, though, if you calm your mind, well for me, if I calm my mind too much, then am I gonna start overthinking things that wouldn't usually bother me, but there's like more space in my head to think about other things. I don't know, I don't know, I don't think so I'm scared.
Speaker 5:I think what he said is right, though I think that people are either future focused, like concerned, or worried about what's gonna happen when this, this, this and this are they're past Like this all happened to me, so I can't have to be cognizant and not let it happen again. So being in the here and now and the present is very hard to do for most people it's hard to be like most people and I think that that's the most.
Speaker 5:You're talking to them and they're thinking about what am I doing after this? What am I doing after this? What am I doing when I go home? What am I doing after?
Speaker 6:this, and I think that that's the most important place to be Right, because if you can be at peace in the here and the now, yeah, but most people don't stay in here and no but.
Speaker 6:I think that that's what to me, like that's what I think is so amazing is because, like you said, we are so forward thinking about the here and the now. We're stuck in the past, right, but the here and now has value. You're in this here and now for a reason, so if you are already thinking of tomorrow or next, week or you're thinking about what happened last week.
Speaker 6:then you are actually like you're devaluing the here and the now, and so my takeaway is like that's part of the meditation is like it brings you back to this is the here and the now and if you go with clear intentions and true intentions and intentions of peace you're here in the now becomes better, you know, and, like you said, it's not gonna take away pain, or it's not gonna take away pain.
Speaker 4:No, and I'm sure that's what the mantra does. The mantra restores you back to.
Speaker 6:But it brings us. That's the thing Like sometimes my mind it does leapfrog and it goes over and I've gotta be like, oh my God, well, I gotta do this, I'm gonna be here at this this. Or like, oh my God, I should have done that differently, but I've just wasted those cycles of 20 minutes of the here and the now and that's gonna be then my next or my last week a week from now.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure I've said this on a previous podcast, but I remember thinking about giving my dad a Disneyland and how every time I was on a ride I was talking about the next ride we were gonna do and my dad was like live in the moment. And like I was, always thinking of not enjoying that ride. I wanted to think about the next ride.
Speaker 6:I was gonna get on Right, and I think that that's what us as humans, that's what we've been conditioned to do is like okay, I want the next best thing, and my interpretation of the meditation is putting value in the here and the now, and that can probably change, then your perspective.
Speaker 5:Which is what I need, cause.
Speaker 6:I would like to be.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I always talk to people about it's like driving your car. So it's like 10% of you needs to be on the road map, Like where am I going? The future, right, 10% needs to be in your rear view, Like where have I been? Like what's going on behind me?
Speaker 5:But like really 80% of driving your car needs to be present here and now, but most people stay too far in the road map and they crash, or they stay too far in the rear view and they crash. So they're past and present, but not staying here, and that's it's hard, though it's hard to stay in here and now.
Speaker 6:That's like. The beauty of life, though, is when you have these little learning situations, because, again, if we had all the answers and we had already done all of that then we wouldn't be here anymore.
Speaker 4:That's true.
Speaker 6:So I'm just happy and thrilled to learn these little lessons oh amazing. Through this experience.
Speaker 4:What a gift.
Speaker 6:I mean it really is. It really is. It is Like I wouldn't. I just don't think that I would think about things even and I mean I know this sounds so cheesy with like the podcasts and stuff, but like it's brought so much stuff to like awareness For like me. Yeah me too, and knowing the importance of each little thing. So I'm super thankful that we had him and yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna.
Speaker 5:I'm gonna go to Bali now. Interesting Bali, bali, let's go.
Speaker 6:Cheers to the here and now and to meditation.
Speaker 5:Here's to the podcast from Bali that we're gonna do.
Speaker 6:Lord help us. Do they have Tito's in Bali?
Speaker 5:Yes, and karaoke. Oh, sign me up, here we go.
Speaker 1:Thank you for joining the ladies of the Middle Age-ish podcast as they journey through the ups and downs of this not young but definitely not old season of life. To hear past episodes or make suggestions for future episodes, visit wwwmiddleagishcom. That's wwwmiddleageishcom. You can follow along on social media at middle age-ish. Also, if you have a moment, to leave a review, rate and subscribe. That helps others find the show and we greatly appreciate it. Once again, thank you so much for joining us and we'll catch you in the next episode of the Middle Age-ish podcast.
