MIDDLE AGEish
Authentically and unapologetically keeping it real, discussing all things Middle Age (ish), when metabolism slows and confidence grows. Middle Age(ish): A time of transition from dreaming of who we will grow up to be and looking at the legacy we will leave behind. Listen to this podcast and join the hosts of Middle Age(ish) as they sit around with a glass of wine to discuss all things related to middle age with some amazing guests!
MIDDLE AGEish
Finding Strength Through Struggles and Sisterhood: Christine Handy's Empowering Journey
Ever faced an adversity so great it made you question everything you knew about life? Meet Christine Handy, an international model, cancer survivor, and bestselling author who turned her life around after a soul-shaking encounter with breast cancer. Buckle up for an enlightening and invigorating episode as we traverse through Christine's amazing journey, from grappling with a shifting self-image to blossoming as a Victoria's Secret breastless model at the age of 52.
Have you ever been caught in the whirlwind of societal norms, only to realize that the essence of life lies elsewhere? Christine shares her transformative journey from being chained to societal measures to finding her ground in faith and service. She bravely lays open her struggles with self-esteem, her experience of writing her novel that is being made into a film called "Hello Beautiful." As we delve deeper, Christine reveals the crucial role her friends played in her healing process, their unwavering support, and the wigs that helped her reclaim her confidence.
In an empowering conversation, we delve into the emotional and physical repercussions of cancer and the path to body acceptance. Christine’s heartfelt account of losing her hair, her chest, and navigating through the trauma is a testament to human resilience. Through her story, she underscores the importance of connection and dialogue in overcoming adversities. She chooses to be a beacon of hope, transforming her painful experience into a purposeful journey of lending support to others facing similar battles. Tune into this episode filled with hope, resilience, and the power of faith. Let Christine Handy’s story inspire you to find strength in adversity and a sense of purpose in service.
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Welcome to the Middle-Age-ish podcast, authentically and unapologetically, keeping it real, discussing all things middle-age-ish, a time when metabolism slows and confidence grows. Join fashion and fitness entrepreneur Ashley Badosky, former Celtic woman and founder of the Lisa Kelly Voice Academy, lisa Kelly, licensed psychologist and mental health expert, dr Pam Wright, and highly sought after cosmetic injector and board certified nurse practitioner, trisha Kennedy-Roman. Join your host on the journey of Middle-Age-ish.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Middle-Age-ish podcast. My name is Trisha Kennedy-Roman and I'm joined here today with my co-host, ashley Badosky, lisa Kelly and Dr Pam Wright. And today we are joined with Christine Handy. She is an international model, a cancer survivor, a motivational speaker and just an inspiration to all. So welcome to Middle-Age-ish podcast.
Speaker 3:Yes, thank you for joining us.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure. We're super excited to have you and you've got such a great story, and we were listening to your podcast and looking at your website and going through cancer, I mean, what a shift in your focus, obviously, of going from external beauty to, you know, worrying about your health, and obviously with that came physical changes, and so I think that that's amazing. So we'd love to hear a little bit about your story, thank you.
Speaker 3:Well, I started modeling at the age of 11 and did it for 20 years because I wanted to be a model and I wanted to be in front of the camera and all those wonderful things, and I was just going along with what I thought I wanted. And then I had three major illnesses and all three of them involved the possibility of death. And I shortly realized after the third one, like I was getting knocked in the head, going okay, like, wake up, that's not what this is about. It's not about your external beauty, it's not about materialism, it's not about accumulating things, it's about people, it's about serving, it's about giving back. And it took me a longer time to realize that than most. And so, after my breast cancer journey, and because of my breast cancer journey and because I had a mountain of women that stood by me, and although this was the third illness, and they were standing by me for the other two as well, and I would just look at them when I was diagnosed with cancer and I just would say I'm not worth this. Like you guys have gone on this like long journey of me and it's all been trauma and difficult, you know when's the good time, and they would say it doesn't matter, like we're here for the fruit and we're also here for the labor, so we're good. And I just I didn't understand that because I thought the world was very transactional, because in the modeling world, the world that I lived in, the modeling world for those many years, it was very transactional. And so, after I got through my breast cancer journey, my friends basically said here, now you have the baton, you're strong enough, we've taught you what is important. You stand by people, you stick around in the good times and the bad, and seasons come and go and your job is to show up. And so I did. I wrote a book about my journey, which became a bestseller. And then I started to become a public speaker. And then I started to be on social media and became a social media influencer. And then I said to myself I have to use my pain. That has to fuel what I do. And then in 2020, when the whole world was locked down for COVID, I was in the hospital for in and out for three months. Ultimately, what happened was I had breast implant illness and because I had breast implants, after my mesectomies, they were infected in 2020 and they ultimately were excavated in 2020. And after the physical pain of that and the emotional pain of waking up with a concave chest in a hospital without visitors could not have anybody there because it was COVID After going through another, you know, season of trauma, I just said, okay, forget it, I'm going to call my modeling agency.
Speaker 3:And because this feels really bad and and I started to see people online who said to me you know, you're really brave for not putting a prosthetic on, you're really brave for wearing a tight fitted sweater without a chest, and I so I call my modeling agency and I said I have to come back to work. And they weren't really psyched about it, they didn't think it was such a great idea and I so I said to my manager I said, okay, we got to get to big brands like Victoria's Secret. My modeling agency isn't on board. We got to start. I'm going to start walking New York Fashion Week. Long story short, I ended up partnering with Victoria's Secret as a breastless model for them at the age of 52.
Speaker 3:That's amazing, and so I finally just said to myself, like through all these you know, major traumatic seasons of my life, like I can use this pain, and if I show that I can use this pain, maybe somebody else will be able to show use their pain. And if I share my story, maybe somebody else will share theirs and that will save somebody else's life. And so I felt like it was my responsibility because that's what my friends had done for me. That's awesome. I mean I can keep going. I get the story is so crazy and so long, but I can get lost.
Speaker 5:It's okay, yeah, but I think that that's what's so amazing is that you know and I love your saying purpose and pain, like that's when you find your purpose. I think that that's so valid because at this stage in our life, our pain and the journeys that we go through vary, you know. Obviously some might not be as as intense as others, but everyone's journey does have moments of pain, and I think that what's so inspiring is that finding that purpose through whatever that trauma, that tragedy, that pain is, I think that that's what's so inspirational and I think that that's what more women I mean throughout life, and I mean I know that pain doesn't have an age requirement, but with us just talking about things that we've gone through in our lives and being in our middle age, I do think that just hearing that story that don't get stuck in the pain, like find that purpose, that why did you have to go through it? Like what? How do you come out on the other side, I think that that's super important.
Speaker 3:It's been a an interesting journey, to say the least, but I think from watching, obviously, my friends, but also from watching other cancer patients, because I mentor a lot of cancer patients now and in fact I mentor a lot of people in general, and what I say to them is I have this post traumatic wisdom right, it can look like it can be post traumatic wisdom or it can be PTSD and you can drown it and you can, you know, suffocate it and not talk about it. But that doesn't help anybody, including yourself. And to serve it ultimately helps yourself because you're helping other people. It makes you feel good about yourself. But serving also helps other people. And so I try to mentor other breast cancer patients and just say one, your voice matters, which so often in society I feel like society is like oh no, you don't, you don't matter, you don't count, and I try to speak against that. And then I also talked to them about you know, being able to be vulnerable is very it's difficult and it takes a lot of courage.
Speaker 3:And so often I think in my journey I would have a lot of courage at one moment in my life and say to my manager, like let's get in touch with Victoria's Secret. It took us months to get in touch with them. It took us months to get a contract with them, but then, after it happened and it came out, I felt I had less courage. So, and it's not been, it had nothing to do with Victoria's Secret. It's just that we go through these waves and seasons of courage and then not no courage.
Speaker 3:And I think so often people look at strong women and say, oh, that person has a lot of courage. Well, tomorrow I might wake up with a lot of courage, but then maybe I won't. And so I think what my friends did for me? They showed me courage and I borrowed that courage. And then in moments of my life, like you know, collaborating with brands to model, I showed great courage and people can borrow that courage.
Speaker 3:People without a chest can look at that and go. You know what, if she can walk in New York Fashion Week without a chest, or model for Victoria's Secret without a chest, maybe I can go to work without a prosthetic today, because I get messages from people who say that. And so we can borrow each other's courage by being vulnerable and by storytelling. It doesn't mean we always have courage, and so I try to talk about courage a lot because, again, I mean, I don't always wake up with a lot of courage, but some days I need to borrow it and some days I have too much and I can lend it out. So it's always a good topic to talk about courage in that way, because people just think, oh, that person has courage or that person doesn't.
Speaker 5:It's not true. I love that barring of courage because it's so true Like sometimes you only see one facet of someone and you're, like you said, like oh my God, they're so strong, they're, you know, they're like this girl, boss, and it's just amazing. But that's like. We all have our peaks and valleys, and so I love the thought of you borrow courage when you need it and then you give it, when you have a lot of it, to the next person. So I think that's fantastic and I think that that can actually go across the board, for everything?
Speaker 3:Yeah, for sure, that's what you guys are doing with this podcast. You're showing courage, you're showing up for people, you're sharing stories.
Speaker 2:But I think just being like with you, I mean you're honest. You're honest about hey, this is how it is. And I think that sometimes it's really hard to do because you want to look like you have it all together, you want to look like you know there's nothing wrong. But I think that that's when people can really relate to you. That's when you're getting those messages of people who are experiencing the same things as you and you were brave enough to come out and you know say, hey, this is, this is how it is, this is what I look like, with a, you know, tight fitted sweater on, and I think that that's really awesome, because you know there are people sitting at home that think that they're the only one, or you know that no one else is experiencing that.
Speaker 2:So I think that that's I think our most moving guest have been those people who share their pain and make it relatable and how they've been able to overcome those things.
Speaker 3:Well, you're right, and it is hard, it's not always easy, which is why I talk about courage, but it's it's so important, especially in the world we live in, especially with social media. Amen, yes, right, we're all putting on this fake facade. I don't know specifically about myself or you guys, but so often people are putting on this fake facade and putting on these filters and they're saying this is my life, and that's not true and we really need to negate that.
Speaker 3:We really need to have these honest tales of truth because if we don't, then it's really the young people Cause you know, when you're middle age, hopefully you've learned enough to know that a lot of this is transparent. But when you're young, if you have daughters I have sons but if you have daughters and they're watching and they're going, I feel less than. Cause their self-esteem is being decimated by social media right now, which is fake.
Speaker 5:Like that's the crazy thing. It's like that they are feeling like not worthy to something. That's fake.
Speaker 3:It's not real. But it takes people like us who are saying like this is not real, nobody's perfect, the reality isn't authentic. And so I get on my social media all the time and I'm like, listen, guys, I have like literally zero courage today. This is what's going on in my life. And they're like, oh my gosh, like you're so honest. And I think to myself, if we could all be just honest, then the world would look different.
Speaker 3:One of the reasons why I wrote my book was because I wanted to show women a nighting, like you guys do. You guys are a group, you're collaborating, you're not judging each other, you're not. You're not in in competition. And I think social media, I think the world that we live in, we're, we're trying to compete with each other. I'm not, but we're trying to compete with each other, and I think that's so toxic. But if nobody's showing that and nobody and people aren't showing that on social media they're like look at my picture, my picture is prettier. Look at my vacation, my vacation is better. That's not helping anybody. And so if we have these conversations that are honest, maybe that will help somebody. You know, not feel so alone in their journey.
Speaker 4:And it's such a vicious circle, though, because it's like it's the most insecure people that are putting those photos and videos and life stories up because they don't feel good enough. And then you know people are telling them they're great and then they can't live up to it. So it's so difficult. It's just yeah, it really is. It's so hard, but I always feel that I'm like oh God, just hang up.
Speaker 5:You're just like on this constant gerbil wheel.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, what's just sad. Yeah Well, we can participate, right. Like I participated in that gerbil wheel for too many years and then when I lost my hair to chemo and I lost my chest as the mastectomies then I lost my chest again to breast implant illness, I was like, oh my gosh, like my root was like completely unwound. And so if I went back to that same measure of society, of living for society and all the things that comes with it, then I would go back to that roller coaster and I just was like I'm done. I'm done with caring about what people think of me. I'm done with my measure being society. Society is not going to stand by me when I'm losing my hair and pulling out my hair for chemo therapy. They're not going to.
Speaker 3:And so what is my measure? My measure is faith, and that can't be uprooted. Nobody's going to take that from me. And so we have to figure out what our measure is. And if it really is like what you look like, remember you're going to age and remember that looks can be taken away. If it is money, money can be lost, right. And so you have to figure out like, what can I stand on? That is not going to be a roller coaster and for me it's my faith and that's how I'm grounded and that's how I stay like, not psychotic, in this crazy world we live in Well with faith.
Speaker 5:It comes to, at least in my opinion, when you have that type of faith, like then you have that moment, like even in the bad times, like it still hurts, you still have to go through that dark chapter, but the faith is that one glimmer of light that can help you, like yeah, that kind of actually guides you out of it, no matter what it is. So I totally agree, I do feel like that, whatever your faith is, but it takes faith in something to get through that dark stage, because the dark like you can't get through it. There's no light unless you have faith.
Speaker 2:I think being vulnerable to a region out, to people, I think that that's really important. You know that. I remember one of our guests previously how you talked about you've got to ask for help, not act like everything's okay if things aren't okay, and really lean into your support system because you can't do things alone.
Speaker 5:Yeah, like I mean, we've said this so many times before, but life, I don't think, was ever meant to be solitary. It wasn't supposed to be a one woman show.
Speaker 3:No, a lot of it goes back to self-esteem, and I can talk very freely about this because I had zero self-esteem for a lot of my life. When I was at the guest model, I had zero self-esteem. I thought, well, this isn't a big enough job, which is a joke, right, looking back, it was such a joke.
Speaker 5:Yeah, guest back in the day was amazing.
Speaker 2:I know it was like the guest girl hello.
Speaker 3:But I felt terrible about myself Right, right, right.
Speaker 3:So what was I doing? I was trying to get more. I was trying to get bigger jobs, I was trying to have more accolades or whatever, because it wasn't filling me up. But that was a self-esteem issue. And going back to what you guys said earlier about asking for help when you go through chemotherapy you need lots of help, everybody needs lots of help. Whether you have children or no children, you still need lots of help. And if our self-esteem isn't strong enough to ask for help that's pride. We're gonna be like, oh no, I'm good. Well, nobody's good, right, it doesn't exist. And so when I like shred my pride when I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was like, okay, you know what I actually do need help and I can't be this tough, like chick that can get everything done, because I can't get everything done right now and it sucks and I need everybody to help me right now. That's like my ego was gone and then I can rebuild my self-esteem, because once you lose your ego, then you can rebuild it on whatever you want.
Speaker 2:Yes, amen to that. When did you start writing your book? Did you write it during your breast cancer journey? Was it after your journey? What made you start writing the book and when did you start it?
Speaker 3:I kind of knew that I was gonna write the book shortly after I started chemotherapy. And then I mean, I went through so much chemo, I was so violently ill. I ended up obviously losing my hair. I was like 90 pounds wet. I needed full-time care. I was. It was my third illness. I was already depleted, so I was not doing anything but trying to survive during that time. But I was keeping all the emails and the texts from my friends because I knew that I was gonna use that material at some point to write a book. So I wrote the book in 2015. So two years after my treatment was over, and you know it's a novel. It's a fictional depiction of my life which is actually being made into a film right now. The film is called Hello Beautiful and it's a great description novel about cancer, about breast cancer. It's very honest. It's very vulnerable. It's not very flattering there was a lot of things in there that aren't very flattering about me but I think it's important to share that stuff.
Speaker 3:You know, if I had just written a book about my friends all showed up and I had these really pretty wigs and they braided them and they washed them for me and you know I survived, then I think that would have been, you know, kind of not true.
Speaker 5:Yeah, we've been just fluff. Gotta get down to like the like. When I say ugly it's, I don't mean that, but like just get down to the pain and the suffering, whatever stages it goes through.
Speaker 3:So there was a lot of stuff about family and the dynamics there, and so, yeah, it was an interesting rendition of what happened in my life, but it was well received, so I'm very grateful for that. I'm glad I wrote it.
Speaker 6:So when you talk about spirituality, was that something a part of your life before? Did that kind of transition as you were going through all the different physical ailments and issues.
Speaker 3:Well, it's a great question because it's funny. When I was prior to my cancer diagnosis, my friends would say to me come to this Bible study, you know you might learn a few things. And I was like nope, I got to work out, I got my trainer, I got to stay in shape, I got a modeling job. I got you know, not interested. And it was like right. When I was diagnosed with cancer I was like darn it, I should have been going to the hospital instead of like getting in shape. I picked the wrong path. And so I did have. I had a spiritual life, but it was when it was convenient and I quickly changed it to be more of a focus for me and that really helped save my life.
Speaker 6:I was very grateful for it. I think that sometimes, when you're you know I'm a psychologist, I'm big into like loss of control, and so when you lose control and you can't take over everything and you can't say what's going to happen and you don't know everything, I think that's when you get to that kind of like what you talked about the bottom the bottom where you're just like, okay, what's my purpose and meaning? Like why am I here? What am I here to do?
Speaker 5:You do have to give it over to a faith Like you just have to trust that there's a process and that there's a meaning behind it.
Speaker 5:And when you get to that place and you realize that there is faith, and you know, sometimes you do have to struggle and you have to hurt and you have to, like, get to the like the bottom of the barrel, where you don't know if you're gonna wake up the next day or you don't know if this is gonna be it. But when you get, if you have the option and you are given the grace to get to the other side I know, speaking personally, that peace is amazing Like the piece that you find on the other side of that, I think, is something that I wish more people knew, and you hate to say that because it comes with such a price. But if you are given the option and you're giving the grace to get to that other side, the piece that you find and the appreciation that you find is something that is really hard to even articulate. It's just like you just hope that it pours from you, whether it's just your eyes sparkle a little bit more and your words are used for grace instead of insult or whatever.
Speaker 3:So I say it. Well, you described it perfectly. I totally get it, but you described it perfectly.
Speaker 5:Again, I say this all the time when you find your purpose, you find your piece. But I found my purpose probably where you found yours, not with cancer, but I have been there and it was in the dead of night by yourself in a hospital bed. Wherever that piece comes from, but when you find it, it is something to be very grateful for.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. You don't wanna give that up.
Speaker 5:No, and you wanna pay it forward, like that's one of the things, like with you, I mean granted, mine is on a much lesser scale, but you do. You get up every morning with such a grateful heart and that you realize that your purpose, here there is a purpose, and so you just have to like, you have to go and do the very best that you can and make the difference that you can and impactful, and just to hope that you bring a little bit of joy.
Speaker 2:I think one thing, like we don't realize what you've got until it's gone and I know you do a lot with the charitable wig and the wig exchange and that's something you don't think about. I have my hair. I don't think about like what it would be to actually have my hair falling out, but I watched it just the other day we were talking about watching reels. I was watching a mom shave her head because her little girl was gonna go through. I'm gonna, you guys know I'm a crybaby.
Speaker 2:But the little girl was gonna lose her hair, and so can you tell us a little about that foundation, Cause that's something that you know? Again, you don't realize what that would feel like until it's actually happening to you. We kind of take that, you know.
Speaker 5:And I would love to hear about this because we all know that I wear wigs from my illness in 2020 as well. So I would love to hear about this story and you tell us a little bit more about it.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean my well, especially my modeling career. From a very young age my hair was kind of my signature. I had really long, beautiful, very thick blonde hair, and so the thought of losing my hair was very traumatic. And when I started, when it started to come out, I didn't shave my head, I like clung onto every single last piece of hair and my friends were like you look ridiculous, you need to just shave it. I was like I'm not, if I have two hairs on my head, I'm keeping. So I was just, oh, it was horrible.
Speaker 3:And and my friend, but my friends, like we bought these wigs and I was able to afford them and they literally one of my friends would pick them up. She'd say I can't remember what exactly her phrase was, but she'd say, like, put the puppies on the front and she'd pick them up. And she'd pick up these wigs and then another friend she'd wash them and then another friend would pick them up from her and they would braid them. And so I'd get this box of wigs back every Sunday with seven or eight wigs that were all different lengths of blonde, they were braided in these elegant ways and I felt excited about that. If you have people that can do that for you and make you feel excited.
Speaker 3:And it wasn't. I wasn't excited because they were bringing me a gift. I wasn't excited because they bought me anything. They were making my life easier and they're trying to help me in ways that I couldn't really help myself at the time. But I could afford wigs and so many people can't. But when I completed my chemotherapy and my hair grew back, there was an organization called eBeauty. It's a wig exchange program where people donate wigs, and we have partnered with L'Oreal, who gives us grant money, and Paul Mitchell Salons, who washes and styles our wigs and then we send them out to people who want a wig. So all you have to do is go to eBeautycom and you pick out the color, the style and the cut and we'll send you a free wig.
Speaker 4:It's amazing.
Speaker 3:We have like 10,000 wigs in our warehouse in Washington DC. We have so many wigs to give away and the only real reason why we haven't given them all away is just because word of mouth, you know people, we need to talk about it more, because wigs, real wigs, real hair is very expensive, Very, and so it's an important nonprofit that I work with. But it all stems from again. I mean, if I had never had breast cancer, I would never even thought about losing. You know somebody losing their hair or needing a wig or not being able to, and so these they're like these little nuggets about what you go through. You can pass on, you know that kind of charity that you learn about or you understand, and it can help people in so many different ways. So it's such a privilege to be able to talk about this stuff.
Speaker 5:I think that's amazing because we all know that I, even though, like my hair has grown back when I lost it in 2020, when I found the world of wigs, you'd never have a bad hair day. But I think that it's what you talked about is so true, because I know, when I was in the hospital and my hair was falling out and you know, you think of wigs and you think of, like the bowl cuts and they look weird and so, like the journey of that, I think you're so right. There needs to be more education. It needs to be not so taboo.
Speaker 5:Yes, wigs are expensive, you know, but there are different programs, like you just talked about, that can help women, because, even with a lot of confidence, when you lose your hair for a woman at least for me, I'm just speaking for myself that does impact you. You can be a strong woman and you can be grateful and you can have all of those qualities. But there's something for me, when my hair thinned out so drastically, there's just something to that. That is just an emotional like. It's just an emotional journey and you know women need to talk about it more because it is legit, it's true, but there's so many amazing options and women like I know, like Lisa, you didn't know forever.
Speaker 4:I just know at all like everyone oh my gosh she must spend a fortune with hairdressers Always because I want to turn hairdressers number, because I'm like, oh my God, her hair is always amazing.
Speaker 5:But that's the thing is like just being able to talk about it, because as women, that is something that we take pride in, and I understand that pride is not a good thing, but there are little nuggets that we do. So I love that you talk about it, because it's something that's important.
Speaker 3:There's a lot of shame involved with plastic hair yes, I mean, we just have to say it, it's the truth. And other than the shame, which is a totally different subject, my kids wanted me to look like their mom, even though I was bald, even though I was, you know, lost 30 pounds. They wanted to come home from school and see somebody that looked like their mother, Right? And so when they came home from school and I had a cap on my head and no hair, they were visibly different. And one time my mom came over one day and she bought this brunette wig and it was like a really cute short bob. And she's like, oh my gosh, look how cute you are on this wig. And I was like, oh, it's fine, whatever.
Speaker 3:And my son one of my sons came home from school and he was 11 at the time and he came. I'll never forget. I saw him walk in the back door and he looked at me. He came running over, he grabbed the wig and he threw it across the room and he started bawling. I didn't look like his mom, Right? Yeah, that was the last time I ever wore that wig and that was the last time I ever was in front of my son without a wig, without a wig that looked like me, Right.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It was traumatic enough for him to watch his mom suffer. He wanted me to look like me as much as possible. And so you just don't. If we don't talk about this, people don't understand that for their own children, right, Right?
Speaker 5:Because it's real, like it's real.
Speaker 3:He's an 11 year old boy who can't tell me that he wants me to look like his mom, because he doesn't know how to articulate it, because he doesn't want to upset you.
Speaker 5:He knows that you're, you know, yeah.
Speaker 3:He probably didn't even understand it.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, he just came out and ripped it off my head and I understood it. But if we can talk about this and maybe somebody else's child who's acting up, they can go, you know what? Yeah, Maybe I need to. You know what I mean. So it's important to have these conversations.
Speaker 5:It really is, cause, like that's, the one thing that I have found through this journey myself is that the more I talk about it like when anyone says something about my hair, I'm like, oh my God, girl, I'm wearing a wig, are you kidding me? Like you know, because what I have learned is that the more you talk about it, the more people come out of the shadows.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5:They need that, just like we did, and like that's kind of like part of me Now. Granted, I do love having really good hair days every day and I love that I can match my hair to my outfit, like I'm not going to lie, but I will tell you, I embrace, I embrace the fact that I wear wigs.
Speaker 5:It doesn't have now, it no longer has to do with, like, my illness, and what I came through is that I feel like that's, it's a benefit for me that that's part of my purpose, but I've met so many women who have said something about my hair and I've been like, oh my gosh, this is not a hairdresser like I buy this. But then they tell the story, their story, and they always say and I'm sure that you see the same thing, I don't know who to talk to about this but I'm very insecure about for whatever reason, cause there's a plethora of reasons why women, you know, have thinning hair or lose their hair.
Speaker 5:So, I totally agree, like we, we got to talk about it because you know it's an important community and those I feel like a lot of times those women are just in the shadows.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 5:So I love what you do, so everybody go to that website Youbeautycom. Yeah, I love it, I love it? No, I just think it's important. So thank you for doing what you do.
Speaker 2:You know, what I think is awesome is that I totally didn't correlate this until right now, but I wear black scrubs to work every single day, every single day, and I walked in a day with these pink scrubs just cause I saw them and I thought they were really cute and everyone, all my staff, were like oh my gosh, you're in pink. And I love that I'm in pink right now because I think that that's really important with just breast cancer awareness, cause we're middle age and I hear so many people around our age, or younger or older, being diagnosed and I think that's really important too, too, cause it's you don't think about your, your health until about now. Really.
Speaker 2:I mean you always seem kind of invincible, and so I think it's really important too, just breast cancer awareness and making sure you're doing you know yourself, now I'm getting into minor's practitioner mode, but yourself- but now, but it's valid.
Speaker 5:It doesn't have to just happen in October, Cause it's not the October month, yeah. It doesn't need to be just October. It means everybody needs to be aware of their bodies and paying attention and you know if there's a question in their mind and something doesn't feel right then.
Speaker 2:But I love today is the very first day I've ever worn bright pink.
Speaker 5:That is true, it's the first time I've ever seen you in pink.
Speaker 2:I never wear it and I didn't think about it until right now. I'm like huh, maybe there's a reason I wore pink today. There's always a reason.
Speaker 3:Oh, yes, definitely, you look great, thank you.
Speaker 2:And talking about that, if you don't mind sharing did. Is this something that you discovered yourself, or is this something you found at an exam?
Speaker 3:So fortunately, I did feel it. I wasn't doing a self-exam, I just happened to be washing my breast in the shower. I was 41 and I had no reason to believe that I would ever have breast cancer. I had no family history of it and, and so I was just washing my chest and I'm so grateful that the tumor was near my skin, or I would have never felt it. I wouldn't have necessarily gone to get a mammogram, and so I was very lucky to have found it Now not lucky enough to have found it earlier and had pre, you know, found it early enough not to have chemo, but I, yeah, I felt it and I listen, going back, I would have done self-exams every month, but you don't think that's gonna happen to you.
Speaker 2:Right? Well, I think that you know at 41, you still. I mean I know now like and I'm, you know, gosh, I'm 47, I'm trying to think about how old I am. You get to a point where it's like you can't remember. You like either lie you're younger or you say you're older.
Speaker 6:Sorry about that.
Speaker 2:But I think that I'm just now kind of starting to think about like health, like okay, I've got to think about that, Because when you're I mean I'm probably at 41, you're still feeling pretty young, I'm pretty, you know, not really worried about health issues, and so I think that's really important, just that you know to be aware to be aware, to be aware of our bodies with you know, and do not just brush off things that maybe don't seem quite right just because you think, oh, I don't have a family history or anything.
Speaker 3:I think that's fine. I'm being paranoid, yeah Well, I think if you do self-exams you know your own chest, and that can start as early as you want. Just get to know your chest because I can tell you for certain, if you detect it early, it's way better than going through the K-mo.
Speaker 1:I went through Trust me still have health issues.
Speaker 3:I still have heart issues. I have you know, liver issues. Because of it I lost four teeth because of my chemo. It affected my body so greatly it's I've had. There's collateral damage to it. So get to know your chest.
Speaker 2:Right At this point. Just you know, at our age in general, I mean really there's there's a lot of exams we need to keep up with now.
Speaker 4:There's so many colonoscopies.
Speaker 2:Colonoscopies yes.
Speaker 4:But I think mammograms. Oh, I got to notice the other day that my mammogram was due and that's the first time I've gotten one, like every year. So you obviously get to a certain age, thus they're, they're yearly. I didn't realize they were yearly, I thought it was every two to three years.
Speaker 2:I think it passed that point a while ago actually.
Speaker 4:I don't know. This is the first time I've gotten a male. Yeah.
Speaker 5:I know I've passed that point.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 5:At 51,. I get lots of notices.
Speaker 6:That's good though.
Speaker 4:How did you cope, christine, like, with losing your chest altogether? Was that like, were you so tired of being sick that it was, it was a bit better for you, or was it just as devastating as I would imagine it must be?
Speaker 3:You know, when I, when I lost my chest to breast cancer and I had I never woke up without a chest. So when I, when they did the mastectomy, I had expanders in for three months which when you wake up, it looks like you have a chest.
Speaker 3:It's not comfortable, but you look like you have a chest and then they swap them out for implants. So I never saw my body without a chest until 2020. And then, because of the implants and because of the damage they did, I have a concave chest. So it was so extreme the difference. And I mean, I'm fine with what I look like and obviously I, I love who I am, I love what I'm doing and I love my body, even though it's scarred up, and I have a concave chest, but I also have a very. Again, it goes back to my faith.
Speaker 3:I feel I feel kind of unstoppable, but it's not because it's based on what I look like, but I, I taught, I mentor a lot of people who've lost their chest and they feel very I don't know what the right word is but not they don't feel empowered. Now we're, we're working on that, because I think you can be empowered by it without a chest, but they, they struggle with it. And so and I and I talked to a lot of women who messaged me and say I have not shown this to my husband. I wear a sports brought night, I wear prosthetics all the time, and I think that's really sad. I feel bad for them because that's got to be a burden. That's a heavy burden, and so I'm very grateful for where I am in my life. It's not ideal, I mean. Do I like to have a concave chest? Absolutely not, but I'm fine with what I look like because of.
Speaker 3:Again, it goes back to my faith. I was maybe more concerned because I knew I was getting implants. I was maybe more devastated about losing my hair than my chest, because I was like I'll wake up with a chest regardless and and maybe it's going to be better because they're not going to move. You know, when my implants were in there, they didn't move. They were really pretty, they were, you know, really high, they weren't saggy, they were nice and perky.
Speaker 6:They were the perfect size.
Speaker 3:They weren't big, they weren't small, they were just kind of like the perfect bees. But you know my hair, when I lost my hair I was like oh yeah.
Speaker 3:So I mean, I, you know it's everybody's. Everybody's experience is different. Everybody's experience is valid and and I just I I can't speak to anybody else and how they feel. But it was quite an awakening in 2020 to wake up without anybody with me in an emergency situation, for like five doctors to surround me the next day and start to peel away the bandages. And then and they said to me, do you want to see it? And I and I tried to hold, I had a mask on and I tried to hold back the tears.
Speaker 3:I was like I didn't want to show them, these doctors, how devastated I was and I remember kind of mumbling to them I'm going to wait to see this when I'm with somebody who loves me. I didn't want to look at it for the first time with strangers, and so when my mom picked me up from the hospital several days later, she and I looked at it together, because I was going through a divorce at the same time, which was a whole new, a whole nother kind of level of of pain. But I she and I looked at it together and I felt safe. But you know, we really that's the other thing like we have to feel connected to people. I think, in order to get through trauma, it's so important for for us to be talking about this and for you guys to be doing this, because so many people do feel alone. So I applaud you what you're doing, because feeling alone is some sort of hell.
Speaker 2:I think, just sharing your feelings with that, because someone might see you on Victoria's Secret with your breastless model and, thank gosh, she just says she's got it all. She doesn't, this doesn't bother her, this is, you know, I don't feel that way, but then they know I mean you've had times where this was very hard for you to bear and hard for you to, you know, to look at, even, and so I think that's important again, just being vulnerable so other people can relate and realize that they're not alone.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean it took me months to go back into my closet. It took me months. I was. I wouldn't even go in my closet. I didn't want to see my beautiful clothes. I didn't want to put on anything because I wanted to just put on sweats, because I was like I'm going to have to throw away half my closet. I live in Miami. I don't have no idea if I'm going to be able to wear a bathing suit. I don't know what dresses I'm going to be able to wear. And finally, months later, I went in my closet and it was tough.
Speaker 4:It was tough yeah, unbelievable yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean we don't think about that.
Speaker 4:No, there's so much that you just don't think about, you don't realize there's so many layers to it.
Speaker 5:Yeah, because it really is an emotional journey, like not only is it physical, but it's such an emotional like, and you've got to somehow find your way to bridge the two so that it becomes.
Speaker 3:I think the physical part was weight First of all. The physical pain was grotesque, but the physical pain was less than the emotional pain.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and I think that that's what takes people by surprise. You know, it's like you just don't know until you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. And then it's permanent, like it's over. Right when I was going to be flat or concave whatever you want to call it forever, I was like this is permanent, like this had to really sink in, yeah. And then you find your piece with it. Find your piece with it, but you can dig your way out of it and you can let it devastate you, or you can be a vine. Yeah, and it push you forward into helping people and that really is a choice.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm really grateful for just you being so open and vulnerable.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And thank you for all the work that you do. I'm really excited about your book becoming a film, because I think that's really important. A lot of women are going to experience this and to be able to hear someone like you share your story, share your feelings, let them know that this is normal, this is okay, and also just the things that are available to them. I think that that's really important, so I am really grateful for you coming on today and sharing your story with us.
Speaker 5:Yes, thank you, and just one more time. What is your wig?
Speaker 3:Beauty. Beauty dot com.
Speaker 5:Okay, thank you. Yes, oh no.
Speaker 3:It's awesome. I can't wait for people to utilize it we have so many wigs.
Speaker 5:That's amazing. No, it's amazing. Guys, anyone listening? Please go do it. Yeah, check it out if you need it.
Speaker 2:So we will share the link. Yes, and then your book. To what was the name of your book? Again, my book is called walk beside me awesome. And then the film is hello beautiful, hello beautiful.
Speaker 3:So it's coming oh yeah, perfect.
Speaker 5:Well, thank you again for sharing your story and just being raw and honest. We really appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you for having me ladies, it was great talking with you.
Speaker 4:Thank you, bye, bye, bye.
Speaker 2:She was fabulous Mm-hmm, she was. I think that's awesome. Just how you know she's so open I mean, obviously she was Very big and looks, and how vulnerable she is and how open she is about her journey. I think that's amazing.
Speaker 5:So honest, yeah, and because I do think that that's like, whatever that point is like you, you do have to be honest and you have to be raw and you know, I just think there's so many people that suffer in silence and I love those that we talk about. That. Put it on the table. Let's talk about it Like you're not alone. You're not, you're not like the lone ranger out there.
Speaker 4:So, now she was great. It's, yeah, a lot of harrowing story.
Speaker 6:I wanted to go out of your way to like really show people this is. It's okay to be like this and it's okay to Be yourself and show who you are and not be ashamed and just to be. I know have her spiritual connection and yeah well, she's been through and to go through divorce on top.
Speaker 5:Oh my oh. That was like that kind of came out of left field because that's a lie at one time.
Speaker 4:Oh, can you? Imagine being that sick and that again being that vulnerable and that like your self-esteem being so although she said like her self-esteem wasn't as low then, but I Can't imagine.
Speaker 2:I love, though, just again, being vulnerable. I mean, we obviously talk about that embarrassing things here, but, like you know, at least a bullet we had, I thought it was great how she will, like you know, post the hey, like this one. This was going on being out.
Speaker 2:Now, you know, I think that that's because we talked about, you know, video, and they're taking a picture of the kitchen and everything perfect and then the big mess on the side, and I think it's important because a lot of people see just that perfect kitchen or it's family, and so I think that that's important to be just vulnerable and honest, you know cuz.
Speaker 5:That's life. Yeah, life isn't perfect. No life is is tough and hard and chaotic and disgusting at times. And, yeah, anyone that tells me that their life is perfect, I'm caught, I'm like, always like, yeah but, I do and that's again Trisha.
Speaker 5:I'm just gonna say, like that's why I'm so grateful for this podcast, because we don't talk about it as women, but we are actually our greatest support system. And I just, you know again, life is ugly. I Mean it is you can, you can, I can dress it up, you can put a wig on, you can. Life is ugly, you know, but you got to find the beauty. But I think that what we're showing is that the beauty actually comes from within. So cheers to you, trisha.
Speaker 2:Yes, Cheers to being supportive each other.
Speaker 4:Yes, that's so true, booby check.
Speaker 1:Thank you for joining the ladies of the Middle Ages Podcast as they journey through the ups and downs of this not young but definitely not old season of life. To hear past episodes or make suggestions for future episodes, visit wwwmiddleagishcom. That's wwwmiddleageishcom. You can follow along on social media at Middle-age ish. Also, if you have a moment, to leave a review, rate and subscribe. That helps others find the show and we greatly appreciate it. Once again, thank you so much for joining us and we'll catch you in the next episode of the Middle-age ish podcast.
